Christian UC: About Us

The ABC's of Positive Discipline

by Debra Bruce

Are you a positive parent? Do you consciously think before you speak to your child? Or do you often make negative statements without realizing how they may affect your child's self-esteem?

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Most agree that training is vital in creating a positive, self-confident child. Becoming a positive parent involves nurturing each child in the family - and this is not always easy. It means considering the special gifts and talents God has given, the uniqueness of each child.

Jesus gave special attention to children. "Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me; for of such is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:13,14). The Psalmist also exalted the child saying, "Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord" (Psalm 127:3).

What you say and how you act toward your child has a tremendous influence on his life and developing self-esteem. Your thoughts, feelings, and behavior mirror you soul. If you are full of depressing thoughts, doubts, and suspicions regarding your child, then his attitude toward life becomes negative. But if you are enthusiastic, hopeful, and positive, your parenting skills can be filled with meaning. Your actions and words can have a vibrant impression on your children, especially as you raise them in the unique manner God intended.

What are the ABC's of positive Christian parenting?

Affirm each child in your home every day as a special gift from God, no matter what the previous day's problems were.

Build on each child's talents and abilities. This means believing God has a plan for each child and seeking to discover it whether it is in academics, athletics, social, spiritual life, or other areas.

Communicate openly with each child in a manner that glorifies Christ, always asking before speaking, "Would I say this to a friend?"

Dedicate yourself and your family to the Christian faith and Christ's church through membership in a congregation, regular worship attendance, Bible study, prayer and stewardship.

Exercise self-control when you feel anger or rage. Learn to turn these feelings over to the Lord instead of your child.

Forgive your child when he does wrong, just as the Lord forgives you. Don't carry a grudge to the next day; instead release these feelings of animosity and begin anew with God's love.

Give your child everything he needs for daily living instead of everything he wants, even if you have to say no from time to time.

Hug your child 10 times each day - especially when he is unhuggable. Somehow the warmth of human touch can erase even the most uncomfortable relationship struggles.

Include Bible study and prayer time in your daily family routine. Challenge your child to do the same in his personal life.

Join in agreement with your spouse on such matters as discipline, family expectations, and home rules. Stay firm with these rules as your child challenges you and plays one parent against the other.

Keep commitments you make outside the home instead of making excuses as you role model being responsible to your child. Remember, you are like a stationary planet, and your child revolves around you. Give him strength and security.

Live each day to the fullest as you see the hope and beauty of our Christian faith. This involves taking time to appreciate God's world instead of hurrying throughout the day.

Manage aspects of your child's life that could lead to stress, such as too much activity, television, or freedom before he can handle it.

Nurture your child in a loving home environment so he can experience God through your example. Remember you may be the best Christian your child knows.

Open doors of opportunity for your child as you encourage the development of his skills and talents with lessons, classes, books, and positive educational opportunities.

Patiently wait upon the Lord as He answers prayers for you and your child.

Question the reasons for unacceptable behavior as you look beyond the act to what is really bothering the child.

Respect your child as his own person rather than an extension of you or your spouse.

Strive for quality time with your child each day where you can talk one-on-one with him and listen to his joys, hopes, concerns, and fears.

Trust that God is guiding you as you make daily decisions regarding your child. This trust stems from an intimate prayerful relationship with Jesus Christ.

Ultimately trust your child as he leaves home, knowing you have fulfilled your commitment to God as a Christian parent.

Verbalize your thoughts and feelings to your child when you are happy or sad, letting him know that you are an approachable adult.

Wait patiently for your child to pass through developmental stages, realizing that some behaviors, as horrible as they seem, are quite normal.

Expect the best from your child at school, home, and play, but also allow for human frailty. Remember that the apostle Paul recognized our imperfection: "For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect. But when the perfect comes, the imperfect will vanish away." (See 1 Corinthians 13:9,10, Amplified)

Yield your own will to the will of God, recognizing that His plan for your child is far greater than your hopes and dreams.

Zealously start each day in praise, marveling at God's plan for your child as it unfolds before your eyes.

A family that is secured in God's love through Jesus Christ will be strong - "a threefold cord is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

Being a positive Christian parent is not easy, especially as we deal with different personalities in the family. As you set positive parenting goals for each child, with God leading the way, you can begin to experience this ultimate sense of strength, hope, and promise.

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