[Mamita]

Heidi is my first that I've really done more attachment parenting with. Liam somewhat but dh and I decided with Heidi that it was good for her to be with me or attached to me (in a sling,etc). I have loved that and so has she and have not been sorry about any of this so far! At one point we finally put away the pack n play bed because we just never used it. :)

The thing I want to ask here though is what do you ladies do with a toddler? Heidi is almost 23 months old now. It's the age where I begin to struggle with wanting her to go to bed and stay asleep even if I have to leave the room. Or be stay with someone for a few hours while I go out with my husband or something. But that is not happening.

She also struggles with strangers or even people we know but she's not totally comfortable with. It's because of too many visitors over the past 2 years. If I could undo anything it would be to have said no to a lot of the events that took place in our house and not had so many people in our family's space causing my kids,especially the baby to become so afraid of people.

Anyway, aside from that I really want to encourage Heidi to be free to enjoy some new things but not pushed into them. Including staying with a babysitter sometimes. I don't go away from home or go out much without my kids so it's not like I'm wanting to be away a lot. I just want to be able to go out with my dh sometimes or attend an event without kids once in a while when that happens.

I'd also love for her to stay asleep without me being beside her. I don't mind getting her down to bed but then I have her waking up every little bit worried that I'm gone and then she doesn't really get good sleep.
What I've done in the past at this point is just make my kids sleep in their own bed and sometimes it being a real battle as we let them cry and all that. With Heidi that would be like a WAR because she will never just "cry it out" she will cries herself to hysterics and then never sleep well.

Just looking for some thoughts and ideas here to consider that we might not have before. Thanks.

[Gentile]

keep in mind that two is the age where all...at least all my...children ahve a bit of "seperation anxiety". ap or not, they all go through it...and this will pass. try finding one person she's comfy with...and have them come over to play with her while you are....in another room....folding laundry, hanging laundry...whatever...let her get used to that person.

it worked for cecilia!

[MessianicHippie]

It gets easier, but I do agree with Gen that sep anxiety is hard at this age. Maybe reading some books or talking to some more AP moms about overcoming sep anxiety would be helpful. And some kids are just much more attached to mom and dad than others are. My 2 year old (who will be 3 in November) is very attached to us. So I make sure that the people who sit him he is very comfortable with, and that he is at home when being babysat so that he is as much in his comfort zone as possible. After a while, he became very comfortable with being left with his aunt and uncle. Also, pay attention to who is in charge of leaving him. My sister says that when David is the one who turns the kids over to her, they are excited and happy. When I leave them, however, they freak out and scream and cry!!!

[Sombra]

Time for Heidi to be bunking in with Liam.. or maybe even Dane. Asher moved from my bed into Myles bed. Janney moved into her own bed in my room for a while, then we moved her into her own room, but she often goes up to Trent's bed in the middle of the night.. or on rare occasion chooses to go to bed with Rourke, but Rourke only has a single, so he ends up in Trent's bed if Janney falls asleep in his bed. Trent and Myles have doubles.

[Stillstanding]

Hey Libby,

Elias turns two on Oct. 9th. ...
Lots of good advise already. Our older ones are helping a lot more now, reading him books and getting things he needs. Spreading the attachment out I guess.
The extra bed next to yours is what we've been doing the last couple of children. It has worked pretty well to ease them out, and to keep an eye on little ones while they learn they need to 'stay' in bed. This is turning out to be a HUGE issue with our E-man. He is just doing his own thing, when he wants. Very strong, and lots of new adventures and struggles for us.

The same old thing doesn't always work, so it's good to bounce ideas off of each other.

I'm not sure how it is for you, but Elias is so far the MOST snuggly though with attachment style parenting. Clingy sometimes..but I love the love he gives.

I'll be following the advise too. Just wanted to let you know I relate.

Amy

[Mamita]

You are right about the 2 year old separation anxiety thing! That is so true! And we have made sure that our good friends whom Heidi LOVES are the ones to babysit. I do have to try and sneak out and have everyone not make a big deal about us leaving so she doesn't start the night out crying. It seems to work. I just wish she would stay with someone else sometimes so that that one couple doesn't have to be the only ones to watch her. But if that's the way it is for now and they are ok with it, then I guess that's good.

I am thinking the little bed next to ours might be the best. Heidi still has a major nursy meal in the middle of the night. We may ease out of that but I don't want to try and push that yet since we have a move coming up. We do have a little mattress for her, just no bedframe so it lays on the floor. For some reason that freaks her out but she'll sleep fine on a bed. So maybe if we could get a frame made. If I were stateside I would just go out and buy a toddler bed but they don't have those here. Only these huge clunky cribs. NOT what we want or have room for. The good thing is that we can have something made at a carpenter's but that's one more thing for hubby to take care of right now that he just can't. We have been talking about all this though so maybe in another couple weeks it might be a possibility.

I'll have to think about having her with her brothers. I am not sure if it will work for us but one never knows. :) I am thinking too when we move to the new house that maybe it would be a good time to just set her up with her bed in the boys' room. We are going to start into more changes from Dec. on since we move, then later next year will be in the U.S. for 6 months and traveling some. The one thing that is hard on my little ones when we do that is sleeping.

Thanks for the thoughts ladies! I'm just not around many families who do anything other than push them out and make them stay by themselves in a room by themselves and oh, you shouldn't be nursing her anymore anyway! Grrr. Not what I am looking for thanks.
Heidi still needs lots of comfort from nursing. It is hard for me at this age that when she has a hard day that or has been nervous about people during a day that she gets on edge and needs to be attached to "nursy" all night. It's killing my back and neck. Shane and I are talking and thinking about ways to help her but help me to get the rest I need too.
And there again is another thing that keeps popping up. Heidi picks up on my nerves. If I'm not doing well then she gets uptight too. Boys are like this a little but this girl is so much more that way! A sensitive soul. :)
Shane has been helping me to focus on getting the rest and other things I really need and not having them interrupted by outside things. Outside of our family...so that I can be the wife and mom I was made to be. Too much focus on the extras makes me forget who I am and then I just spin my wheels. I've been seeing a side of my kids I really like when I calm down and not be so worried about all that's going on outside. Something I need right now.

But that's more than you probably wanted to know! Thanks for the encouragement!