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Ambra's Journal
Expecting September/October 2005
Sun Dec 18, 2005
10 weeks postpartum
Well I am finally feeling better. I still get sore in my lower abdomen and get shooting pians down my legs but it's better.
At about 9 weeks postpartum I had spotting for a week. IT was very light. I didn't need to wear a pad or anything. I am thiking it may have been a cycle or my body trying really hard to cycle again.
I am still tired but my energy level has increased alot since I had her. The last 3 months are just so hard on my physically.
She is nursing well and gaining well also. I did have to give her enema because she was very constipated. :(
She also didn't nurse for two days after she was born because she was trying to get all of the mucous out of her system. She also didn't pass meconium until the morning of what was her 3rd day of life. Once she passed that and her tummy and lungs were clear of the mucous she started eating. I was worried she wouldn't nurse but she took off and is doing fine. I have never had anymore problems. :) Thank Adonai!!
I had the lochia for about 4 weeks and then stopped. The last week or so was very light which was nice. My skidmarks from the birth healed up within a week after her birth.
The hardest part is the lower abdomen pain which does seem to get bad depending on what I am sitting on. It is almost gone now but I am still experiencing it now and then. When I was having the spotting I seemed to have the pain more. Hoping everything will heal up completely really soon. It has taken me the longest to heal this birth. Maybe because of the posterior position she was in and tha amount of transition I had?
I am enjoying my sweet baby girl so much!!!!!! She is a wonderful gift from Hashem!!!!
Wed Oct 05, 2005
She is finally here!! My birth story!!
Early morning on October 4th I was attempting to sleep out on the couch but my teeth were feeling a little sensitive and throbbing with each beat of my heart so I decided to get up and rearrange my livingroom. I did a major rearranging. This was at about 1am. I ended it by mopping my kitchen and livingroom floors. I felt satisfied that everything looked spic and span! I went to bed about 3am again on the couch after taking a tylenol for my aching teeth. At 6am I woke up because of two hard ctx. I went potty and kept hoping for more but none came so I figured it was like all the other times I was jolted awake from a hard ctx only to still be pregnant for days after. I decided to go back to bed. I laid down on the couch. At 6:15am I had the first ctx that begin my labor. The first so many were about 10 minutes apart. After that they went to 2 minutes apart. I waited until they had been coming consistantly for about 45 minutes and went in and woke up my dh and told him I was in labor. He just looked at me and said, "Are you serious?" I think he was pretty surprised. It seemed like we had been waiting for so long!
We then decided to get the pool ready because all of my past labors had been so fast we wanted to make sure it was ready. I just continued to walk and pace through them. They were still 2 minutes apart. I had seen a bit of pink and knew I was dilating. At about 8am I felt like they were getting pretty intense so I told John I needed to get in the pool. I got in and they stopped coming every two minutes and went to about 10 minutes apart. I figured they would pick back up so I waited in the pool. They did pick back up to about every 2 or 3 minutes apart but they weren't as intense. I finally decided to get out and go potty and see if that helped. When I got in the pool I felt that I was heading into transition but the water slowed it down. I went potty and while on the toilet I begin to have really intense ctx again. I decided to push lightly with a few to see if it was about that time. I begin to do that and felt that it was. I begin to push. I was pushing as hard as I could and nothing was happening. I began to get very tired and shaky from the pushing. I was in the bathroom squatting on the floor holding onto the sink for leverage. John tried to come in but I wouldn't let him. Finally he pushed the door open and came in. He told me to get back in the pool and se if it helped with the pain and pushing. He helped me to the pool. I got in and the ctx stayed vey intense but I just didn't feel right for some reason in the pool. I couldn't get comfortable. So I told John that I wanted out and wanted to go back into the bathroom and push there. I went into the bathroom and begin to push once again. Again nothing was happening. I asked John to check me and see where baby's head was. He checked me and could feel baby's head in the birth canal but still up a a ways. I begin to push again but I had to stop because I ws shaking and weak from pushing so hard and the lack of progress. I decided to go lay down on my son's bed. My friend Robin had shown up during this time and begin to do counter pressure on my back during the ctx. I rested through about 4 of them and then decided I couldn't lay down anymore and needed to push. I leaned against the bed in a squat and pushed some more with again no progress. So I decided that I had to rest. I was so tired and wanted to sleep in between the ctx if I could. I also was feeling sick to my tummy, weak and shaky. Just plain worn out...
I had my dh John and Robin come upstairs with me. We decided to see if we could feel the water bag bulging enough to try to pop the bag and get things moving a bit. John checked me and to my dismay found that the baby's head had went all the way back up. He could barely reach it. He could feel the water bag but it wasn't bulging and there was no way for us to break it.
This begin my 3 hours of transition. I laid on my bed and would doze during the ctx. They were coming every 2 minutes for 3 hours. They were so intense I truly thought I was going to lose my mind. Robin did counter pressure on my back and after awhile John took over and begin to apply the pressure to my back. They pushed so hard my back is very sore and I am sure bruised. I would tell them push harder. I needed them to push hard to help with the intense back pain I was having. It gave me something else to focus on. While John applied the counter pressure Robin kept her hands on my belly feeling baby's position and if she was moving down. She felt the baby and discovered that she was posterior. At the end of this 3 hours I felt ZaraLayna being pushed down. I didn't feel pushy but I knew that she was being pushed into the birth canal and that the ctx were so intense that I had to push and get this done before I went crazy with the pain. So I got off the bed and squatted against it and begin to push. I probably pushed for about 10 minutes or so. When I begin to push lots of fluid begin to come out. And then right before her head came I felt a little pop of the rest of water bag that wasn't broken. Her head followed after that. Once I got her head out I then gave one last push and out came her body! The pushing hurt very bad. I felt like I was being torn apart. John grabbed her from behind me and Robin and John checked her over. After they had looked at her and saw she was breathing, etc.. they begin to see to me. I hadn't even looked at her yet because as soon as she was out I couldn't move. The pain in my bottom area was so awful that all I could do was stay in the sqauttiing position. Finally Robin helped me sit down against her. That helped with the pain. I begin to cry because I was in such intense pain. And then when I saw her I kept crying. She was here and she was so beautiful! I sat on the floor for quite awhile as we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and turn white. Then John cut and clamped the cord. ZaraLayna pinked up right away. When she was born her color was really good. She also cried as soon as she entered our world.
Eventaully I was up and in the shower.
We are enjoying her so much. Although it was my hardest labor she was worth it! It was 6 1/2 hours long but being in transition for 3 hours and having her go all the way back up seemingly going backwards in my progress made it a very intense and painful labor. We did it! I did it without any intervention or pain meds. Now I know that even when its rough and things are discouraging I can do it at home. I love birthing unassisted! All the glory be given to God for our precious baby girl ZaraLayna!
She weighed in at 7lbs. 12-14 oz. She wiggled a bit on our scale so we weren't sure if it was 12 or 14 oz but somewhere in there. And she is 19 inches long. She has black hair and a great color to her. :) She is beautiful. She is a very pretty baby girl! :)
Mon Oct 03, 2005
No baby yet!
I am getting tired of writing in here each week with the same ol' thing to say. NO BABY YET! I am feeling better though. I am still anxious to meet this baby but hey I have waited this long so I know I can wait however long it takes. Well at least thats how I feel today. :) Since I spent time in prayer the other night I do feel more at peace. I still hope everyday is it and I am still praying that I go before Sunday or I won't be able to attend my LLL conference, but I am trying to wait on Adonai's timing. It isn't easy but it's what He wants me to do. And what choice do I have? I can stay angry and sad or trust that he knows what He is doing. I have chosen to do the latter.
Well the only new thing to report is that I am having lots more bh ctx each day. They do seem to stop when I am up or moving around but when I sit or lie down they come pretty often and some of them are pretty hard! So perhaps this is a sign that labor will be coming very soon?? Hard to say really but I am hoping and praying.
My dh checked my cervix again tonight and found it to be much softer and it felt thin and it was alot harder for him to reach. I am dilated about the same but I am effacing. Sounds like I am mostly done. He said he can feel baby's head really well now. :)
Guess thats it for now. :)
Thu Sep 29, 2005
feeling low........
So last night I had my lowest point yet. My dh came home and I went into our bedroom and cried. Then I started thinking that maybe I wasn't due yet and that she was late because of that. I thought I need to read back over my pg journal so I did. The first part of my pg I knew that I might two weeks less than what my last normal cycle had me at because I had a cycle while pg. I had estimated myself to be 6 weeks when the cycle date had me at 8. I went by the start of my morning sickness and how long it took me to get a pos. hpt and also the early ultrasound I had. Then when I was 20 weeks according to last normal cycle they also put me at 2 weeks less than I thought. I wasn't sure about that ultrasound or how reliable it is so I didn't think anything of it. But after looking at my pg journal and the calendar going over the last possible time I could have gotten pg I am thinking I am really due now. No wonder I haven't gone yet. I haven't ever gone two weeks late. But I am still having a hard time waiting. :( I read of others who haven't even gotten to their due date and are losing the mucus plug and will be having there babies soon and I get perturbed! Why do I always have to go clear to due date and over before I get to see my baby. Why can't I ever go early?? I have prayed for an early baby each pg and yet has Adonai to let me go. I just feel like staying away from any talk of pregnancy! I feel myself getting angry! Not at the baby just angry in general!
Everyone has an idea of when I will go and each time I pass the day by and still no baby! And my dh says he wants me to have the baby next Tuesday or Wednesday night so it will fit in perfectly with him being able to stay longer with me and all that. Does what I want matter?? I just want to have this baby! Now would be good! And I have a conference that I have paid for already and need to go to for more breastfeeding knowledge. It's Oct. 13, 14, 15, 16 and still no baby. I am getting nervous. What do I do if still no baby by the time we leave?? Then I can't go. I have so been looking forward to it! I just feel like crying! How long do I have to do this?? Of course I want my baby and I do want to have her more than go but I have been so looking forward to this. And then I wonder how far I should let this go before I do something? What?? I don't know.
I truly felt that Adonai told me the baby would be here in September but now I don't think so. I keep praying and asking Him to give me some sort of something so I know if it was all me or if it was Him. I prayed that I would have a baby in September. I thought that He gave me a scripture to confirm this pregnancy and the month of Sept. but now I feel like I don't know His voice; that it was all me! I am really mad at myself for that!
Then Adonai gave me the scripture in Isaiah telling me He is doing something new. So now I wonder what that something new is??? Does that mean I have to have this baby weeks late?? Not sure that is the something new I was looking or hoping for!
So I am having a low point now again! I am sure I sound so negative. I guess I feel that way. I feel big and uncomfortable and everything is hard. I can't sleep at night so I end up sleeping in, in the morning when I need to be up and getting things done. I am tired and don't feel up to doing anything which is so hard for my children. My children are asking all the time when baby is coming. Now I say maybe never. I will be pg for eternity!! And although I know thats not possible I feel this way and I can't help myself. :(
Well I guess I have complained enough!
Sat Sep 24, 2005
still here and pg!!
Well am I overdue or is EDD off? Not really sure with this one. I know she shouldn't be too much longer in coming but ya never know! I wish I was able to tell or had some warning when labor was going to start but I don't. I have nights of lots of pressure and strange feelings down below but nothing comes of it so now I feel those things and I just know that they probably don't mean anything.
I am just hoping now that I have my baby before October. Thats only one week away now! I truly thought that Adonai told me September but now I am thinking maybe it was what I wanted it to be?? Maybe I wanted it so much that I imagined it. Or thought it was what He said and it wasn't?? Well I will know soon enough.
I am at the spend all day in my pj's and go a day or two without brushing my hair. I don't feel like being a beauty queen. Plus how beautiful can a swollen big bellied pg lady be?? All everyone sees is the belly anyway. I guess I could decorate it with jewelry or something. LOL!
I was thinking of taking up running marathons since I could go slow and still win the race. My belly protrudes so far in front of me it would cross the finish line before I did.
I won't even go into all the aches and pains and irritations I am having at this point. Plus I know once she is here they will all fade away. (until next time) :)
And on it goes.......
Sat Sep 17, 2005
40 weeks and due!
I am 40 weeks today. Not that its a magic number or anything. Baby is still inside and doesn't show any signs of coming. I didn't figure that she would be here by now and have assumed I would go over but even so I am still discouraged! I am feeling like I will be pg forever. I know thats not possible but I have been waiting on her for so long now and I just want it to be over and for her to be here!
It is 5:45am here and I am up writing in my journal because I can't sleep. I need each bit of sleep I get but for some reason my body doesn't seem to want to sleep anymore! :(
Nothing new is going on. Baby is still moving well and my belly keeps getting bigger. How much bigger is it going to get? I already have one new stretch mark up high!
Nothing more to report.............
Sun Sep 11, 2005
39 weeks
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo TIRED!! Why do I have to keep waiting?? I just want to have this baby. I don't feel like I am at my best right now. And yes I know that I am pg and due any time and I should give myself a break. I do and I am beginning to feel like I need to pull myself up by my boot straps and get busy. My dh has been so wonderful by helping me and taking over when he is home with the children. He cooks everything each weekend and tonight I asked him to make this YUMMY lemon cake that he cooks and he went to the store and everything to get the ingredients to make it just for little ol' me! What a great man!! I hate having to feel so tired and lazy and see him doing all these things for me. Ya know I just feel like my life is on hold until she comes and we can then move on with our new blessing. I am really looking forward to the energy I regain when baby comes. I feel lighter and more energetic! It's great. The end of pg is hard on me! :(
Baby is still moving and I am having trouble walking and so I spend alot of time sitting these days. She is hitting my pelvic bones and nerves which make it extremely painful for me to walk. :( I have been really sore also. After my twins and the csection I get so much more sore at the end. I didn't have these feelings of soreness above my pubic bone before the section but with my last baby and now this one I am sore in these areas. Even my pubic bone is sore to the touch. ARRGH!
Hopefully it will be over soon and she will be here! :)
Wed Sep 07, 2005
God's handiwork
I wanted to put in this journal all the neat things that happened over these 9 months. I wanted them listed to share with others and this baby girl coming anytime now. :)
At the end of 2004 I had been charting. I felt in my heart that Yeshua was asking me to leave it in His hands. So after November coming and going and finding that I wasn't pg I decided that I wasn't going to chart any longer. So after my cycle in December I didn't chart. I did try to keep track of when we had relations and when I could be ovulating which was hard to not notice as I had pain over my ovaries. Anyway in December my 6 year old dd Gabriellia was sitting at the kitchen table one day and looked up and asked me if we could name this baby Sarah?? I knew I wasn't pg at this point in the month so I just told her I didn't know and changed the subject. She asked me again another time later that week. Then Grandma Chris had stopped by and we were discussing names. Grandma said she had always liked the name Sarah. Gabriellia looked up at her and said, "thats the name of the baby in mammas tummy." I didn't think I was pg so I just smiled and told Grandma how she had been saying that alot lately. :) Well then in January I was supposed to start on Jan. 8th. On the 9th I realized I was late so I took a test and it said neg.. Okay so I took a test again a few days later and another on what would have been 35 days since my last cycle. I used first response 4 days before your cycle hpt with first morning urine. It was negative. I was upset about what was going on so I prayed and gave it to Adonai giving into His will. That afternoon I started to bleed and had a full and completely normal cycle. I stopped my cycle by day 6. Had nothing for 2 days and then started to bleed again-spotting. It stopped and then started again the next night and continued until the next afternoon. It was quite a bit of blood also. After my cycle was over and during those two days of nothing I was brushing Gabriellia's hair before bed when she looked up at me and told me that she had a dream and in the dream she saw me give birth to ZaraLayna. She told me that she was very pretty and that she had dark brown hair and lots of it. :) I just smiled and said that was neat as I had just finished my cycle and *knew* I wasn't pg.
Well on day 10 of that cycle I took a hpt and found out I was indeed pg! Gabriellia kept telling me it was a girl and her name was Sarah. We had an u/s on May 3rd and were told it was a girl! We were so excited as I posted here in my journal at that time.
We have been praying for this little girl for 3 years and now she is almost here! I am so excited to meet her!!!
****************************************************************************
I am in my 38th week now. About a week and a half until my due date but remember that day is only an estimate. Baby's come when God says they are ready and not one minute before. I say this to remind myself!! :) I do feel like it will be soon as I am noticing lots more pressure and soreness in my bottom area. So we'll see...........
Everything is going well. :)
Tue Aug 30, 2005
37th week
So we have 3 weeks until hopefully the big day is here. We all know it most likely won't be on my exact due date although that did happen with my 4th pg. I am not doing as bad as I was last week. I am trying to remember that she'll be here right when it's time and not one day before. All those prayers for patience have been heard and answered by Yeshua! Thank goodness! :)
Well in the last few weeks I have had lots of breast soreness. It was mostly on my left side but yesterday I woke up and my right breast was really sore on the side and all around. It's a little better today. I also leak colostrum from the right breast more often than the left. Also in the last few weeks I have lots of colostrum whereas before I had nothing much. My breasts haven't done much growing this entire pg up until now. It seems they have saved the growth for the last few weeks; hence the pain. Obviously my breasts are ready to nurture and feed a new precious babe! I am so looking forward to it! :)
My dh put up the birth pool on Sunday afternoon. He didn't get it all filled with air but he used what he had left in his air tank from work. Then last night he brought home his air tank again with more air and filled more of the pool up. It looks like it will be really comfortable. The bottom has cushions to make it nice and comfy on your bum. It is padded well thruout the whole pool. And it looks like it will be plenty big enough for my dh and I to sit in. My dh will be bringing more air home everynight until it's completely filled up. We also put a shower liner under it and two blankets to help with keeping it comfy for me as I sit in it.
I had a crying break down last night. I wrote up the rent check yesterday and sent it off. Then I was checking our account last evening online and I noticed that the check number I wrote the rent check on was already used when I paid the power bill by phone. I forgot to void out the check. I lost it then. I have such pg brain this time. I can't keep track of anything! I cried and cried and couldn't stop for quite awhile. Even when I thought to myself that it could be fixed and there was no reason to cry. On and on I went. Well I guess I am allowed to have these moments! :)
This morning I got up at 6am. Thats very strange for me. :) When I woke up I was thinking to myself that perhaps the Lord wanted me to get up and spend time with Him. So I got up and read by Bible and wrote in my prayer journal. I spent about 40 minutes with the Lord and then I mopped my kiving room and kitchen floors. It is so much easier to do it when the children are all sleeping. I was able to take my time and do a really good job. I feel good that I accomplished so much! I then woke up my oldest dd and asked her to get breakfast ready. My day has gotten off to a much better start than usual. I have been so impatient with my children. I put this as a matter of prayer in my prayer journal this morning. Children are so forgiving and understanding. Thank goodness for that. Even when I feel grumpy and am acting like it too my oldest dd Morgan-Britney goes out of her way to help me. As do my other children. I am so proud of them for their kind and giving attitudes! My dh has been very understanding too! He is patient with me when I am moody and hormonal. I was thinking this morning that i am extremely blessed with a wonderful man. How I got such a special man for my own I don't know. God has filled my cup to overflowing! :):)
Baby is doing well. Still moving and growing as is my belly. She seems to be down in the pelvis more often although she is still bouncing. It has become hard to walk these days. I get up from lying down or sitting and her head is on a nerve or something. And I can hardly walk. I have had this for awhile but its worse now as we near the end.
Until next time................
Wed Aug 24, 2005
cranky, grumpy and the like
I am feeling pretty pitiful. I want to be done but I know that wanting it doesn't mean I get it. Can a grown woman throw a temper tantrum?? LOL! Sometimes though I truly feel like I need to scream. I lay down on our living room couch for nap and I can hardly get back up. "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!" :) And boy tugging this big belly from side to side each night; not easy or much fun! Then of course we have the going to the bathroom trips all night long. Also my ribs hurt so I can't lay on one side too long; hence the turning from side to side! :(
But tonight I went to the library and checked out some good christian fiction to help take my mind off of the forever feeeling of waiting for this baby. I already feel better. I checked out 7 books so that I would have enough to keep me occupied for awhile. If I keep my mind busy reading then I won't have time to think on the pg stuff. And my impatience won't rear it's ugly head as often.
I am a little discouraged simply because I have prayed through each one of my pg that Adonai would let me go early and yet has it to happen. How many pg before I get to go early like other women do? You know those women that get to go 2 or 3 weeks early?? I want to be like them, just once. (SIGH)
My dh measured my fundus tonight and it is measuring right on at 36 1/2 almost 37 weeks.
***Adonai, please give me endurance and strength. When we grow weary and tired you carry us. Please help me to be more patient with my children. And Adonai help them to be patient with me. Thank you that I am going to have another life to nurture and care for soon. What a privilege! Please help me to accept your will for when I go into labor. Let all frustration melt away. Thank you! In Yeshua's Holy Holy name Amen (so be it!!)
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