|
 |
|
|
|
|
Camilla's Journal
Expecting March 2006
Wed Jul 27, 2005
Hormones Yuck!
I've been feeling pretty good physically, tired, but otherwise good. Emotionally is a different story. It has just occurred to me that all these hormones are making me so angry!!! I'm angry at anything and everything. During my last pregnancy, I was the same way. At the time though I just thought I had some built up hostility. I was just beginning to get rid of my "hostility" when I became pregnant again. But today it occurred to me that these are not my angry thoughts. I'm not that kind of person. I wasn't that way before I got pregnant in January. I was fairly laid back, and definitely forgiving. Now I am vindictive and almost hateful, only in my mind though. I haven't done anything to anyone. But I do catch myself thinking: "If so-and-so gives me any trouble I'll tell so-and-so where they can stuff it!" Which is so not me! Ah. This discovery saddens me. One, it means that I have lots of work to do so I can control myself, which I suppose I should be thankful to the Lord because I can develop character. Second, I'm sad because Mike (my husband) and I want lots of children, I don't want to be this way every time we are pregnant. Ahh...hormones...what a pain! Lots of work to be done and prayers to be given so I can control my thoughts. God Bless.
Sat Jul 23, 2005
So Excited!
Just found out last week I'm pregnant again! This is very exciting for me, but also very stressful. Earlier this year, I had my first pregnancy and unfortunately miscarried in the middle of April. I was about 15 weeks along, so I was definitely not expecting it. I stupidly went to the emergency room, thinking they could do something. It just caused more trouble, and they even tried to do a D and C, but I absolutely refused. I went to stay with my mother and finished it there instead. In a lot of ways, I'm very thankful to the Lord for that experience. First, it brought me closer to Him. Secondly, it let my husband and I have more time to prepare for parenthood. And finally, it helped confirm and prepare me for a real UC. Originally, I had only wanted a homebirth with a midwife, but the more I researched the more I was intrigued about UC. My mother thought it was a great idea, and my sisters were tolerant, thinking that I would change my mind as I went a long. But after the miscarriage my sisters are vehmently opposed, and I think my mother is worried but she isn't saying much about it. During the miscarriage, I had what I think of as a mini-labor. I had contractions and dilated some. I was completely unprepared for that. It is so very difficult for anyone to describe the way that feels, one cannot possibly understand it until one experiences it. I am glad for that experience because now I can be prepared for it again just on a grander scale.
Right now, I'm just trying to eat well and keep up with my yoga. My husband said a wonderful prayer for me last night that I might be blessed to be a nurturing, understanding, loving mother. He blessed me that I would have a healthy baby and not worry. This time around it is a much more beautiful start. I pray it stays that way and that I may have faith to remain stalwart and unwavering.
The day I began miscarrying I saw a quote: "Every failure is the oppurtunity to start again fresh."
Copyright © 2002 Christian UC All rights reserved.
