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Darlene's Journal
Expecting April 2004
Thu Dec 04, 2003
My Intro..journey to up/uc
For my intro, I guess I'll borrow bits and pieces from a previous post of mine...
I am, admittedly, not a strong UP/HC/UC advocate. nor do I think that UP/HC/UC is a wise/practical choice for everyone, or that UP/HC/UC is a special calling of faith. I have simply wished to possess the freedom to experience my definition of an "ideal childbirth." to paraphrase a quote made by Sombra: “our journey to UP/UC has been one borne out of necessity and practicality, and it has served to challenge our faith in a healthy way…”
I had a hospital birth for my first baby, and that was fine. my only complaint was that I found the hospital to be very stressful and uncomfortable. All the nurses were nice; and I actually never even saw a doctor, as all my prenatal care was overseen by nurse-midwives. but I found the constant monitoring and check-ups to be intrusive and tiring - no matter how wonderful everyone was... (I’m a strong introvert, if that explains anything..)
Our decision to have a homebirth for our second child was based on the lack of progressive hospitals where we lived. (we'd moved from NC to CA..) I spoke with friends who'd delivered babies in the local hospitals, and I was not pleased with the knowledge that childbirth was being treated as an illness: the maternity wards were sandwiched between wards full of sick people; you were transferred at least twice during your stay - depending on what stage of labor and delivery you were in; and episiotomies were deemed necessary - and routinely performed without a woman's consent. I had no desire to have my baby in this kind of atmosphere, so we opted to pay "out-of-pocket" for a certified midwife to attend our homebirth. as it was, I had my baby so fast that our *planned* attended homebirth turned out to be an *impromptu* unassisted homebirth.
our midwife arrived about 20-30 minutes later to help clean up and give us a clean bill of health...
Despite the unexpected turn of events, I found homebirth to be infinitely more pleasant and enjoyable than my hospital birth. I loved being at home, in my own environment - without a bunch of strangers hovering around. I didn't have to pack up and go anywhere in the middle of my labor. I ate what I wanted to, drank what I wanted to, did whatever I pleased. I gave birth in my own big bed; and after the baby was born, I took a nice long hot shower in my own bathroom.
Then I dressed in my favorite raggy nightie, got back into my freshly-made bed, and cozied up with my beautiful newborn daughter. - and there was even room for Ian and my oldest daughter to nap with us in the bed...
When we moved to PA - and discovered I was pregnant again, we did not hesitate for another homebirth. The only problem was that I couldn't find a midwife who would attend a homebirth. Up until my last trimester, we planned to have an unassisted homebirth; but at the last moment, I found a lay-midwife who lived only 15 minutes away from our home. Baby #3 was born in the candle-lit quietness of our living room while his sisters watched in wide-eyed awe.. again, the labor and birth was quick - but our midwife did make it this time.
With this current pregnancy, we had hoped to have our lay-midwife present once more. but, both my husband and I realized that this would most likely not happen. Our new home is 45 minutes south of our previous home. With my reputation for early - and quick - labor and birth, our midwife would just not be able to make in time. and since she is the only homebirth midwife who serves within 2 hours' radius of us, expecting an assisted homebirth was just not practical. So that is why we are planning an unassisted homebirth...
There is a hospital within 12 miles east - and/or west - of us. and I’ve sought medical assistance for as long as it seemed practical. Now that we are past the half-way point of this pregnancy, Ian and I are able to monitor the pregnancy on our own. If something odd turns up in our home check-ups, we'll seek medical advice. (although, more likely, I’ll call my midwife for her opinion first...) otherwise, we can safely assume that the pregnancy is progressing normally..
All in all, we would rather plan for an unassisted homebirth than hope for an assisted homebirth - and be caught unprepared if the midwife is delayed...
Regarding emergencies: most emergencies can be dealt with personally (as long as one is informed and prepared - which is a good thing, regardless if you are having a baby at home or in a hospital) or can be detected in good time for a hospital transfer. and there are some things that just cannot be attended to "fast enough" - regardless if you have a hospital birth or not...
it's not easy to consider the "what-ifs"... my biggest fear is doubt in God's sovereignty - and this is what I would be struggling with, regardless if Iwere in a hospital or not. Babies-
and mothers - have died both at home and in the hospital, despite the best of plans and medical wisdom...
It is our desire as a family to live in Godly wisdom, and not simply be motivated by fear. and this is what Ian and i have considered long and hard in this decision to have an unassisted homebirth... there is that balance of being suitably prepared for the tragedies/emergencies of life and trusting in God's good will. God gave medical wisdom and assistance for our benefit - and he does use these avenues for His good will. He also gave Ian and I the ability to utilize medical wisdom for our own practice - without the need for a doctor's supervision; and He equipped my body to deal with natural and normal childbirth. anything unexpected outside of this (or lack in maintaining good health - which is my responsibility as a mother and a Christian) is something that God will arrange for His own good will and glory...
it is our prayer that no medical emergencies will arise. but if they do, we will seek medical assistance. - not because the doctors can "save" us, or because hospitals can prevent bad things from happening; but because this is where God would most likely (and logically) refer us to, in order to perform His healing. and if tragedy occurs despite a hospital transfer, i pray for strength to praise Him even when i don't understand why...
admittedly, Ian and I do not possess any special courage or faith to undertake UP/UC... we are just as aware and apprehensive of childbirth emergencies as anyone else is. we are simply trying to discern informed caution from irrational fear. so far, i have no need for medical assistance - and we do wish to trust in God's sovereignty rather than put our hope in His mere creation (i.e., hospitals and doctors). our parents were compelled to do this time and again when they lived overseas as missionaries - hundreds of miles away from any medical assistance, at times. (and my mother's family often thought her to be irresponsible for raising her family away from the conveniences of the modern world..) we are thankful to God that He has currently blessed our family with hospitals and doctors close by, but our trust in Him should not waver because of this convenience...
again, this is *not* why we are planning an unassisted homebirth. we are not planning an unassisted homebirth because of any personal conviction to have one. in all honesty, we are having a UP/UC simply because it is the most convenient and practical choice for our family.
however: our faith and trust in God's good will and sovereignty is the reason why we have determined not to be anxious over any possible emergencies that may arise...
Halfway through
-I’m relieved to finally be in this stage of pregnancy.. I’m half-way through the pregnancy, and i'm through with doctors and hospitals. admittedly, i've begun to wonder why I’d even bothered to utilize these avenues, as this has been my most healthy pregnancy ever. (you'll be pleased to read this, Jeannie
..) but, i suppose, hindsight is always 20/20...
my sugar-levels are normal, and i actually haven't gained a lot of weight so far (about 10 pounds total). - not that i won't gain a lot of weight later, but at least i've got some lee-way.
sugar-levels and weight gain were a concern for me in the past... gotta watch those carbs and chocolates, though. and i'm hard put to keep up with my protein intake, as our budget hasn't allowed for much...
all in all, eating healthy seems to be my biggest challenge. i'm diligent in providing adequate meals for Ian and the kids, but i often forget to add myself on the serving list. i nearly passed out at the check-out line on Tuesday. i woke up late, and Ian was due in for work early; so i rushed to the grocery store without eating anything. by the time i hit the check-out line, i was feeling quite weak. - and of course, i picked the check-out line with the new trainee and the register tape problems.
by the time my items were being rung up, i was leaning on the counter for support; and when it came time to pay, i was trying to look nonchalant while squatting on the floor and leaning against the register wall behind me. thankfully, the check-out girl's trainer knew me already, and she helped me pay for my things while i gathered the strength to lean against my shopping cart in preparation for pushing out the door. of course, i got a little lecture from the trainer, who knew that i was pregnant. and i'm sure i deserved it.
i confessed all to my mother when we were chatting on-line later that morning. she suspects that i have a low blood-sugar level problem (hypoglycemia?) like herself. perhaps she is right...
well, i've yet to call my previous lay-midwife so i can buy a few urinalysis sticks off of her (as opposed to buying a full container of them online). and i still need to order that BP cuff on-line.. - although, i'm tempted just to mooch off of Wal-Mart’s complimentary BP analysis booth every few weeks.
i'm not really in maternity clothes yet. in the past, i'd been well into them by this point. but, i've been on the small side with this pregnancy; and it's only been in the past few weeks that i can no longer wear my larger clothes. i went to "Motherhood" the other week, with the hopes of finding some good deals on clothes to wear for church. (i'm "off-season" with this pregnancy, so i've had to rethink my maternity wardrobe.) but, everything was just too big for me. so i ended up as "Rave" (yeah, don't laugh) in search of cheap "transition" clothes. thankfully, all the styles are stretch these days; so i bought a few long skirts and some blouses for church. i hate spending money like this, but at least i can also use these clothes post-partum until i can fit into back into my regular wardrobe...
all in all, i'm very at peace about this pregnancy. - something that i'd been struggling with at the beginning, mainly because this pregnancy had come as such an unexpected turn of events...
well, i've rambled on enough...
Wed Dec 17, 2003
Random thoughts
-I’m starting to catch up in my weight now; I gained about 5 pounds in the last month - and I seem to have popped out overnight.
I’ve also been taking spirulina regularly, and that seems to have helped a lot; no more weak spells since... thanks for the tip, Nicole.
Baby is regularly active, although I must admit that I hardly notice her/him. I remember, with my first pregnancy, I used to call for Ian to come feel the baby every time I felt kicks and nudges. I don't think that I've grown indifferent or anything.. Perhaps life has simply become more involved with having 3 children on the other side of the womb. LOL! Regardless, the kicks and nudges are a comfort; I know that there is a little person growing inside of me who likes to remind me of her/his presence every now and then...
Ian was going to pick up urinalysis sticks from my midwife friend on his way to work on Monday, but he couldn't get up her steep country (i.e., unpaved) neighborhood hill after the snow this weekend. so she mailed me the sticks instead, and I mailed her a check for them. I appreciate her willingness to sell me a few of hers, since I only need about 8 or less (as opposed to a whole canister)...
I’m singing in church on Sunday, which I'm looking forward to. Admittedly, it's been awhile since I've sung a solo while pregnant. That last time was at my father's funeral - and I was over 7 months pregnant at the time.. believe it or not, I *did* make it through the song (without breaking down), although my breathing techniques weren't that great with the limited space under my diaphragm. I'm sure to do better this time..
I'm singing Mary's song, "Breath of Heaven".. I’d sung it before, but never in this condition - which is why i'm so looking forward to it. The lyrics are so moving, and I've always wanted to sing this song while I was expecting, to add visual dimension and depth to the song - for both myself and the congregation... i pray that God will glorify himself through me this Sunday - and that I won't catch a cold in the meantime.(I felt a little tickle in my throat just last night, and increased my daily intake of garlic and Echinacea.. along with my vitamin A and C, that's always done the trick..)
Well... my mind has once more drawn a blank. happens often when I'm pregnant. LOL!
I’ll leave it at that for now..
Wed Jan 14, 2004
27 wks.
-...and I am right miserable with a cold right now.
I've been making do with regular strength Tylenol for the sinus pain, Vicks "breath-right" nose strips to help me breath easier, and double doses of garlic, Echinacea, and vitamins A and C to help ease the symptoms and boost up my immune system... still, I'm right miserable.
The Christmas holidays definitely did me in: I gained 7 pounds! after I got off the scale, I hid the chocolate (my one big pregnancy craving) and got rid of the last of the teacakes and leche flan (no, i didn't eat it. LOL!)... gotta watch those calories now. *sigh!* My main concern was the glucose trace in my urinalysis. I'm a bit at loss when it comes to cutting back on carbs, since this makes up the main part of our meals, but... well, I'll do my best. today, I gave the family the usual meat, eggs, and rice for lunch, and I made myself a romaine salad with leftover chicken and boiled eggs...
My protein color was a little tinged again, but I've been taking my BP, and I'm fine...
Tomorrow Ian and I are speaking at a Christian primary school about our experiences as aviation MKs growing up overseas. As usual, we're taking the kids with us. (we rarely go anyplace without them - only if there is family around that can watch them for us.) normally, I don't mind doing this kind of stuff, but I'm just not up to it right now with this cold..
I'm praying for a good night's sleep tonight, so I'll have the energy to speak tomorrow...
Made my first order for the baby's cloth diaper layette yesterday.
I've got 3 dozen Indian combed unbleached prefolds coming my way, and I'm so excited. admittedly, I'm not looking forward to breaking in the prefolds, but I've heard that unbleached prefolds are soo well worth it - so much softer than bleached ones. I got a few tips from a CD forum on how to cut down on water use for washing them, so I'll give it a try...
I've still got diaper wraps (going for good ol' Proraps), Wonderoos (which should be more economical than Fuzzibunz), fleece liners (planning to make my own), and maybe some disposable liners (for the first week or so of meconium poops) on my list of things to buy, but I'm trying to pace myself (and our budget). I tend to wait until the last minute to gather my baby layette together, anyhoo; the only reason I started now was because of a sale on the prefolds...
Well, that's all the my water-filled head (that feels the size of a basketball) can think of right now...
Wed Mar 03, 2004
34 wks.
-hey ladies -
I finally got a chance to visit the site after a looong time away. I was so touched to realize that you all were thinking and praying for me. - and I've been needing those prayers, too.. thank you all so much!
I got your message, Nicole.
My computer has been having trouble for the past few months, and it *always* takes ages to download the ChristianUC website pages, for some reason. so that's why - among other things - I haven't been visiting and updating lately. Ian finally rebuilt the computer last week, so at least it's not freezing up anymore. still: it's old, so it's slow..
I'm at 34 weeks, and I've been miserable lately. I was doing very well until about 32 weeks, when the baby decided to drop suddenly. basically, it can be incredibly painful to walk, as the baby is putting pressure on my pelvis - and pinching some nerve on the right side/leg. I'm okay if I've been lying down for awhile, but if I'm on my feet or sitting on my bum - giving the baby a chance to settle in my pelvis, than I'm very uncomfortable..
I called my midwife friend (as per my mother's insistence) for advice, and she suggested a maternity belt. It helped with the pelvic pain, but there was still that nerve on the right side/leg that would act up - regardless if I was wearing the belt or not. so I ditched the belt, and I'm just trying to stay off my feet and bum as much as possible...
The good news is that today was my first day free of the nerve pain, so something must have fallen back into place yesterday. PTL! (I think it happened while I was squatting on a stool for 30 minutes as Judah hugged me while going poo-poo on the potty... LOL!)
Ian has made it clear that I shouldn't carry Judah anymore, as he's concerned about me going into labor too early. and he's taken over giving the kids their baths - which I *very* much appreciate.
I'm still quite abit smaller than my previous pregnancies. I can lie on my back and still breathe fine - which I couldn't do at all for the other babies. I'm thinking that this baby is going to be quite a bit smaller than the others... regardless, others have definitely noticed a change in me. as one friend said: "you hardly looked pregnant before, and than you suddenly look like you're about to pop!"
I think much of that had to do with my posture and comfort. I was much more active and carefree before, but now I feel like I'm walking on egg-shells...
I'd stopped taking RRL tea for awhile, after the baby suddenly dropped. But I've just brewed myself a cup tonight.. I told Ian that after 35 weeks, I'm going to welcome any "early labor" that comes along.. I'm ready for this baby to come.
I just received the last of my birth supplies in the mail today, so my stash is replenished. I've crocheted 2 wool soaker-wraps, a nursing cover, and a newborn hat and matching sweater during my time away from the computer - lying on the couch or in bed. - so I've been trying to make the most of my semi-bed rest time. LOL!
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