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Jill's Journal
Expecting June 2006
Wed Jan 11, 2006
updates are good...
I recently found out I am 6 weeks ahead of where I thought I was!!!
Go back almost a week, I went to a WIC appointment, I mentioned feeling my baby move and my husband feeling it too. They looked at me very oddly and said I was not supposed to be feeling that as I was only 16 weeks. Hmmm... Ok, whatever. Then that night we attend our SCA meeting, I had not seen most people since I announced back at the beginning of November. I got many questions, are you SURE there is only 1 in there? But the most thought provoking question was Are you sure you have the right dates????
Nope, not the right dates!
We conceived right after we came home from Pennis in August, not in September like I had thought! Oops. I had a false period so how was I to guess that?
Things now make much more sense. The size of the baby, the size of my uterus, on and on ....
Ok, so now we are due right around Raechel's 13th birthday. She is not thrilled.
I however am happy that I am 6 weeks further along than originally thought. Now I do not feel like such a house! LOL I was really wondering why I was so big already. Raechel had even made the comment that I was not going to make it in the maternity clothes that I had. Well if I had to go into June, no I would not have! now though I think things will be fine.
I also had the biggest movement the night we talked about the dates. It was huge!
I still do not feel as much movement as I did with the other two, but I am bigger than I was, chubbier I mean when I started, than the other two. I do feel movement just not a ton of kicking. I am sure I still will as the space gets more cramped in there. The baby likes to hook feet under my ribs - ouch! :) That is ok though, at least there is a baby to hook feet under my ribs, better to have sore ribs than no baby at all.
I spoke with the midwife that Kurt wants to be at the house when I give birth. The more I talk to her, the more I do not want her here. I think I am going to not call her even though Kurt wants me to. I think my labor would stop when she got here. We do not see eye to eye so to speak. She is very nice, but when I spoke with her about the date change she was really unsure. She did not believe in my capability to measure my own fundal height etc. I believe in myself and my body, and my baby. We will be on our own. I won't say anything even to Kurt, this is a secret I need to keep away from others. He is I am sure not going to read this blog.
Well that is it for now. I am going to close this up for the time being.
Thu Dec 29, 2005
15 weeks
I am 15 weeks along, wow!
I cannot believe it is going so fast. My belly is growing rapidly and I feel like I look as big as a house! Do I mind? Nope not one little bit!
I love this. I am starting to feel movement and I think I actually located this little one while laying down this morning.
Yesterday was soooo busy. The kids and shopped until we dropped. I was exhausted. So were the kids! LOL
Christmas was very nice but oh so busy. How have I managed it all these years? It is insane!
I have not measured anything lately or anything. Just loving that I am being uninterupted with this pregnancy. UC is the way to go. I do not always feel like someone else knows more about me and this baby than I do!
I have been craving some serious fruit, so we went shopping for a ton of it this week! Yummy!
Veggies are great now too. I am still nauseous once in a while, but nothing like in the beginning. Phew! Much better.
Leif has not nursed in days. Not since Christmas as a matter of fact. Not that this means much really as Raechel is home and so life evolves around the big sister while she is not in school...
Oh well.
My life with Christ is growing. This baby is really HIS.
That is it for now. I just wanted to write some.
Thu Dec 01, 2005
MyThe Dream
This is an answer to a prayer I have been dealing with for some time.
The Dream
November 30/December 1 2005
I was in our old house in Collins. It was dark inside – like midnight with just a hint of the moon. The house was full of “monsters” like werewolves, etc… In the upstairs portion of the house, it was lighter, still dim but you could see. The Vampire was up there. The house was kind of scary but I was protected by the Vampire, he was the ruler of them all. The Vampire offered me eternal life – immortal life. He loved me and wanted to give this gift to me. I nearly took it, but became scared and refused the gift. He left me, or did I leave him? Either way, he was gone from me.
Then I found myself outside. It was still dark outside; I cannot remember if there was a light out there, it was pretty dark. When outside, I found myself offered the gift again, this time by the werewolf. The werewolf was vicious though and was attacking not giving it with love the way the Vampire had offered it so gently to me. I called out for the Vampire, but no answer came. I actually called him by name, but I do not remember the name I called Him anymore. So, I sprang into the air and flew a bit as I have done in many dreams before. (This is interpreted that I am overcoming obstacles or hurdles in my life.) I made it to a tree, but the werewolf was following closely behind me. I was scared. I leapt from tree to tree and finally fled far enough away from the werewolf. Sporadically I would call for the Vampires aid, but I never saw Him. Finally I ended up in a new place. The house was bright inside, not like the old one. There were people around, almost like a party. This is where I became entranced. I felt as if I were literally in a fog. All I did day and night was cry out - DESPERATELY – for the Vampire. I knew all the times that I had cried out to Him, he had heard me. Why no response? Finally in this new place after being in a trance for so long – He came to me. I rejoiced in my heart to see Him. The sight of Him made me weep. Oh how I love Him!!! Oh PLEASE take me in your arms, love me and give me the gift I refused to take so long ago. He willingly began to honor my request. Yet I was terrified. It was a HUGE gift! Was it going to hurt? He told me it would be alright. His love for me would bring me through my fears and the gift would be mine. I relaxed and he gave me His gift. I never felt any pain, just the love that washed over me and through me, oh the love. Then I awoke from the dream. It was such a vivid real dream that I actually woke panting.
My interpretation so far:
The Vampire was God.
The werewolf was all the other Gods/Goddesses I had thought in my past were giving me beautiful things. In reality, they were not. It was being forced upon me.
I had to overcome many obstacles to be allowed back into the light of God. Yet until I entered the trance state I had not shown a true, serious desire to be with Him.
But when I began begging and pleading, eating in drinking only in my desire to be with Him with all my heart and could do nothing else, then I finally had earned enough understanding and love to return to Him and finally He came to me. The gift of eternal life is to be with Him always and He with me. But also the gift is in my children.
It is not where you pray, it is that you pray.
It is not that you need Him; it is that you need Him desperately.
It is not enough that you honor Him; it is how you honor Him.
It is not enough to love Him; it is that you need to love Him with every cell of your soul.
I recently watched VanHelsing, so I guess that is where the characters came from.
Tue Nov 29, 2005
almost out of the first trimester
Well this is my 11th week.
Today marks week 11 of my pregnancy. I am still suffering nausea. It hits in the late morning and lasts all day for the rest of the day. It is tiring. I am still nursing Leif, though we are down to just once a day now. I can barely handle that. It is really hard. I had a scare today. I got up from a nap with Leif and went to the bathroom and started cramping really bad. However a few minutes later, I pooped. So, I hope that was just all it was. I have cramped before but that was brutal. I have been constipated on and off though for days. That was probably why it hurt so much. I should weight myself soon. I think I will go down to Rite Aid too and do a blood pressure test. Other than that I seem fine. I have been monitoring my fundal height nothing drastic as far as I can tell. I should actually get the tape meassure out I have only been doing it with my hand with etc.
I told a few member of my family now and plan on putting out a family newsletter in which I will announce it there for the rest of the family. God has blessed me well. I hope I can give Him what he expects in return.
Wed Nov 09, 2005
NO MORE MEDICAL JUNK!
I was really kicked out of the ob/gyn office! LOL
Well, I found myself in a bit of a mess. I signed up for medicaid because we could not afford to pay for our daugthers braces. However, signing up for medicaid also means pre-natal care from a physician. So, yesterday I went to my appointment. However, I did not go empty handed or empty headed. I went armed with a list of my terms. (NO internals - no negotiation on this one!, no sonograms unless it looked like I might be carrying twins, no glucose test.) Well let me tell you the medical field does not like when you come in with your own set of rules, you are supposed to follow theirs. No questions asked. I spent quite a lot of time waiting for the doctor to come in. I was told twice that I was going to have an internal. I stood my ground. Finally the ob came in and told me she could not work with me. She also went on to tell me that I should be having an amnio because I am 35, she could not believe I was *ALLOWED* to have a natural birth after having a c-section, mind it was 10 years later... and on and on she went! I was disgusted. I left there shaking. Yet at the same time I feel free. I spoke with someone who basically knows the ropes with medicaid and it stands that as long as I participate with the nurses at WIC, I should be able to keep my insurance. She also would like to find me a doctor that might at least try to work with me. I won't count on that. I honestly do not want it.
Anyway, the pregnancy itself is going nicely. I am still going through the nausea, but that makes me feel in an odd way that everything is still going ok in there.
I had a dream last night of identical twin girls, with curly hair. Hmmm... I guess I have a way to go to see if that is true...
When I lay on my side, sort of laying on my tummy I can feel, hmmmm.... how do I describe it? It kinda feels like a balloon I am laying on. Weird. I know it is the baby in there but it just feels weird. I love feeling all the new sensations.
Fri Oct 21, 2005
My first Blog Journal entry - ever!
So, I finally understand fertility awareness, and just how it works.....
I picked up the book, Take Charge of Your Fertilty. Did I know it was going to change my life? Nope. Not like that I did not. Finally after months of owning it, I decided to read it. Oh what an eye opener. I laughed hysterically through some of it. Why? Because I had no idea just how ignorant I had been all this time!
So, finally after Pennsic (the War for SCA, the biggest event around, almost 10,000 people attending) I put the FAM to work.
September 2nd was my last period. To my happiness I found I concieved with this cycle! YAY!
On my birthday, October 9th, I knew I was pregnant. A urine test the next day confirmed what I already knew. Then a week later or so, I went for a blood test. (10/19/2005) The test came back the next day, positive. Of course I already knew that.
I also came down with an awful cold. I found myself in bed and delerious Thursday afternoon. I was worried at first about the baby, but I really feel it is in a safe place and is unharmed by this nasty bout I was hit with. I read, somewhere??? that when you get sick during the beginning of your pregnancy it is actually supposed to be a good thing, it means your body is letting things remain in your body and not fighting off things as much, including the unborn baby. So that is a good thing.
I have done a lot of research on nutrition during pregnancy. I found a great website, blueribbonbaby.com that gives great details. I even took out books from the library that were put together by Dr. Brewer. Great, now the problem...lol... A pregnant woman is supposed to eat 2 eggs a day, because it is a "complete" protein. Eggs... EWWWW... Can't do it! I have tried them every way I can think of. I hate eggs right now. Hmmm...
So, people that I have told are starting to ask, what are you doing about delivery? Your last baby was with a midwife and she retired, what now? I tell them I have a midwife, and I do,it is myself. I am trusting in myself this pregnancy. I am following what my body is telling me. I am listening deeply.
I am researching things I don't understand and need to know more about. I am not planning on using an ob for prenatal care. I am planning on counting on my self.
So I am watching carefully. Paying attention closely. That is it for now.
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