|
 |
|
|
|
|
Joy's Journal
Expecting January/February 2004
Sun Aug 10, 2003
Our Introduction
My name is Joy. I am 22 and my husband is 25. We have been married for about 3 years and have a beautiful daughter (who is now 2) at home assisted with midwives.
While I was pregnant with Rebekah I knew without a doubt that she would be born at home. I prayed about it and felt that God supported me 100%. I knew that for us there was no other way. I do not have anything against hospitals if they are used properly. I feel that God inspired hospitals. But I also feel that they are being misused. I wouldn't hesitate to go to the hospital if I had a broken bone or other emergency. I feel that that is what hospitals were made for. It was not meant for healthy women to give birth in with all kinds of unnecessities, where the woman is delivered, instead of the woman delivering her own baby with strength and awareness. Hospitals also have many mandatory testing, that I feel a woman should decide on her own whether or not to have them done to her and her baby, especially since most of it is unnecessary.
I felt that UC was right for us with my first pregancy, but my husband was not yet ready. I continued to see the midwife for his comfort. When the midwives did arrive at my home, I did my best to ignore them. I listened to the Holy Spirit who was guiding me and my husband (I told him what I needed and he was very good at meeting my needs during labour). My husband also gave me a blessing when labour started and this strengthened me. Afterwards the midwives in attendance said that they were so impressed that someone so young could labour so confidently and independently (I was 20).
My labour lasted 4 hours. I had prepared myself with much knowledge, faith, excercising, imagery, proper use of herbs and good nutrition. I also remained open to the Holy Spirit to guide me, for I know that God knows what is really best for us and what the outcome will be even before anything begins.
Sun Aug 17, 2003
15 weeks and 5 days
This pregnancy is going well so far. I can feel that all will be well with this birth.
The feelings I get during pregnancy are always accurate (I feel that it is God inspiring me to help prepare me). I have felt the baby move. This is always exciting and reassuring. I had some spotting last week, but it was brown and light (signinfying dried blood) and I did not feel worried about it at all. Afterwards I felt the baby move around. It was very distinct and I could feel a bony part (maybe a foot or elbow). I have felt two other distinct movements since then.
I was able to hear the baby's heartbeat and it is very strong. Right now I am following the brewer's diet and taking nettle and red raspberry leaf teas regularily and peppermint tea from time to time. The nettle is especially nourishing for me.
I have also had a dream that was not just any normal baby dream signifying my own feelings; but it was a distinct dream and I awoke feeling the Holy Spirit strongly with an urge to pray to God about it. In the dream I saw a baby. I knew it was a boy and I was holding him, I loved him instantly. He had a very gentle spirit about him. Then I saw him smiling at me as a young man (somewhere between 19 and 22). He was thanking us for raising and loving him. He seemed very pleased with us and with how his adult life was beginning to "unfold". I feel that this baby is that baby boy in my dream. I will not know for sure until he is born.
I am showing already. I have a little belly popping out and all of my clothes are tight. Already people have been questioning me about family size. Everyone seems to be concerned with how many children my husband and I choose to have in our family.
It's funny (and annoying) that so many people think they know what is best for us and give us all kinds of "suggestions" while condemming our plans. I wonder why people can be like that, isn't this something that is between my husband, myself and the Lord? Anyway, I just had to get that out.
Also, My mother and father in-law immediately wanted to know where we were having our baby. Last time we had our baby at home with midwives and they thought that we we didn't know what we were doing. I told them that we were having our baby at home (I didn't think they were ready to hear the UC part yet) and of course they immediatley began telling me how the hospital is the only safe place to have a baby, etc. So I asked them why they thought so and they said because that's what they did and that's what their doctors say.
So I told them that perhaps they needed to do more research, and that I have done my research and I do not stop learning there. It turns out that my MIL "had to have" a forceps delivery and an epidural. She said that she now has permanent damage to her spine, which is why she has had difficulty walking, standing or lifting things ever since. She has been through physiotherapy and sees a chiropractor (which have helped) but they also believe it is a permanent thing.
Anyway, I'm going on too much. I just wanted to say that I find it strange for my in-laws to belive as they do after going through what they have. It seemed like what they were really telling me was that they didn't know of any other way and that is what they were told growing up and somehow they won't let that idea go (of hospitals and doctors and intervention and tests being the only way to have a baby).
All things considered all is well thus far. I'm sorry for jumping around, and thank you for letting me vent a little.
Wed Aug 27, 2003
17 Weeks, Baby's Alive!
Hi. I'm now 17 weeks pregnant-almost half way through and I feel like I had just begun!
It has been half a week now where I feel fetal movements throughout the day on a regular basis. Last night I awoke at 3:40 am to use the toilet and then the baby kept kicking and turning and moving, etc. He kept me up for over an hour. The fetal movements are bony and very distinct. The baby is quite active.
But I'm only 17 weeks, and I am obviously pregnant and grew out of my old clothes and everything. All of this makes me wonder if the baby will be coming sooner than I'm expecting. I've had bleeding 2 months in a row almost as much as a menstrual cycle (the second time was very heavy) if I had not missed a cycle and took a pregnancy test I may have thought I had been menstruating. It's a possibility that I could be a month more pregnant than I think.
The last menstrual period could have been just bleeding like the other two (which came at about the same time I would have expected a period if I had not been pregnant). It's a possibility anyway that's all. I will be prepared a month early in case. But I won't bet on it (that way I don't get discouraged or anything). So all is well! The baby is alive! I am feeling especially attached to my baby now that I feel him moving all the time.
God Bless!
Thu Sep 11, 2003
Braxton hicks, 19 Weeks and 2 days
Hi. I'm now 19 weeks and 2 days pregnant and I'm getting really excited.
We decided to buy some maternity clothes. I was very hesitant although I really need them becuase we really can't afford for me to buy a new wardrobe even a small one. But I prayed for help and felt strongly that I should just trust in the Lord. So I went to used stores and there was nothing I would be willing to wear. Prepared only to buy one skirt and one winter top I went to a maternity boutique and they were having a huge sale! Everything was already half price and then you get 50 to 70% off of that. So for 50$ (Canadian) I got 5 items.
I really wanted skirts because I find pants uncomfortable in the crothch region, but they only had these really short skirts, so I got 2 pairs of pants, a sweater, another warm shirt and a bathing suit. : ) I'm hoping to go back in a few weeks and find a couple of nice, long skirts.
I have been experiencing braxton hicks regularily. I'm not at all concerned as I had some strong bh regularily starting at about 29 weeks with dd. But it is uncomfortable as my stomach gets very hard, but I think it's because of the baby stretching. So when I get them I massage my belly and then the baby moves from a low position pushing out and then the bh begins to go away.
So far I have only gained 5 pounds. At first I was concerned but I'm not at all anymore. With a kind of massage (similar to what midwives do sometimes) I can feel the baby and he is a decent size especially for this time in my pregnancy, and my belly is poking out with an obviously pregnant look (not huge yet, but obviously pregnant). The baby moves constantly and he is strong, and I feel great.
I reviewed my diet and that is excellent - it also gave me a clue as to why I may not gain as much as I did with my first. With my first I had gained 15 pounds by now (a total of 41 pounds by the day I went into labour). But then I had followed the canadian food guide that my midwife had given me (I had a midwife assisted homebirth with my first), and ate 8 to 12 servings of grains everyday, I usually worked hard to get to 12 servings. I was also a vegetarian then and ate alot of beans, etc. for proteins and this is alot of carbs, I also ate very little salt. No wonder I felt tired then and gained that much!
Now I am basically following the Brewer's diet, but I really just have a guide and go with what I feel my body needs in regards to protein and grains. I usually eat 4 or 5 servings of grains every day and alot more protein (eggs, whole milk, meats, fish) - as a side note I of course also eat plenty of vegetables and fruit, and drink plenty of water. I have also started taking cod liver oil everyday. This is really helping with my energy levels.
All is well here, and I'm getting excited and loving my little baby more and more!
Tue Sep 16, 2003
I just can't sleep, 20 weeks
Hi. Now I'm at 20 weeks! And I haven't been able to sleep past 4:30 am in a while.
I am so tired and feel like I can hardly function but I can't sleep. It's our noisy neighbors! We live in a townhouse and our neighbors are very...well...worldly. They party, and swear, and get drunk and fight with their "friends". The first week we were here we got woken up at about 3:30 am because our neighbor on one side was having some sort of fist fight. 30 minutes later the police arrive, arrest 2 people and take 2 to the hospital. It turns out that our neighbor (a woman with a 3 year old and a 17 year old, both boys) gets drugs from someone and hadn't paid them. So the drug-dealer came during the night, knocked on their door and stabbed the 17 year-old boy in the leg requesting his money. The boy decided to fight as he didn't have the money and eventually the police came. Our landlord told us about this and said that they are doing everything they can to kick those people out. That's when we realized we had terrible neighbors who do worldly things and get themselves into trouble.
So, we have a neighbor on one side who seems to be up all night and sleep all day, and they play loud music and say all kinds of vulgar things, invite all kinds of young adults over and get drunk. One day I got so upset with having to hear these things in my house that I decide to play a chidlren's hymns cd really loud, but then they just decided to compete so that didn't work. And on the other side we have neighbors who sleep but are noisy between 7 pm and 11 pm with guitar "music" (I think guitars could produce beautiful music but not when people just make loud vibrating noise with it). So last night, I went to bed at 8 pm and got out of bed at 6:30 am but only slept between 10 pm and 4:30 am.
We have been writing all kinds of letters of complaint since we moved to this house (so a month and a half).
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and ventings. It sure helps me to bear with this until they get kicked out.
As for the pregnancy, everything seems to be great! I feel the baby move all the time but it isn't nearly as aggressive as with dd. She was a very aggressive kicker and after she was born she ahs always been very active and strong, knowing exactly what she wants and anxious to live life. She is still very, very active. She'll spend alot of time just running back and forth or kicking her toys around the living room, but she can be sweet she gives me hugs and kisses throughout the day and if I lay down she asks what the matter is. She's definatley my wild girl.
But this baby is just as active but not so passionate in his movements. His movements are more calm and gentle, but the kicks are just as often. I feel a very peaceful spirit about me with this one, that things can wait and take the time that's needed, and I feel a sense of enjoying the moments which is making time go more slowly, but I'm at peace with that. With dd I had a very happy, anxious feeling about me while pregnant. I wonder if I am feeling the personalities of these children (which I think I am).
Some people think that becuase I felt anxoius while pregnant I got an anxious baby, but I just don't believe that the way I feel in preg will decide my baby's entire life and character. I think that my children come from the hands of God from Heaven and already have a personality of their own when they come into my home, and then I am here to love them and help to instill in them firm, Christ-like qualities and raise them to succeed in life and love God and give them the opportunities God desires.
God Bless.
~Joy
Wed Sep 24, 2003
Nearly 21 weeks, So is that 4 1/2 months?
I'm at 21 weeks and all is going wonderfully.
I am feeling more and more confident as we go along. The only thing that I was really nervous about was the placenta because with my last preg (midwife homebirth) one of the midwives just gave me some sort of shot in my leg and pulled the placenta out. I was very upset about this as I told them I didn't want it. There really was no need. Dd began to nurse immediately and I felt great!
After the placenta came out I began feeling a little dizy and tired and my hands and knees began to shake a little. I was not a happy camper and was telling them I just wanted them to leave (I almost kicked them out around the time to push because I was ready for almost an hour and the supervisor midwife still hadn't shown up and was given ample notice. She wasn't even far away, maybe 10 minutes and then when she did show up she was very contentious with one of the nidwives and I think was doing a sort of power trip with her). Anyway, so I haven't actually delivered a placenta and the only reason I didn't just burst at them was because I believed that they had a real concern when they told me that they had to do it or else I would have hemorraged. A few days later I thought, why?
There was no reason to think I may hemorrage besides the fact that at the time I was pretty much a vegetarian (I did eat meat 3 times a week during the last month so that I would be 'allowed' to have a homebirth). Oops I got sidetracked again. I guess the inexperience of delivering a placenta makes me feel slightly nervous, but lately those feelings have vanished and I feel confident about everything.
As for stats I weigh in at 110 pounds (I was 104 pre-preg). So the only weight I've gained is the actual preg and baby. I'm surprised as I gained 20 pounds by now with the last, but I am eating LOTS. I eat whenever I feel hungry and that turns out to be that I eat 3 meals plus mini-meals in between those and a small snack before bed.
Dh has felt the baby move and kick yesterday so that was very exciting! He also noted that this baby is more gentle compared to dd at the same time (dh felt dd kick at almsot 21 weeks last time too).
I have alot of energy, and have cleaned up the entire house last week and this week I'm just working on some dishes that I'm a little behind on but it's not a big issue, I just do an extra load a day and in a few days they'll be off the counter. It's great! The house is actually clean! And it'll likely stay that way as I have made a sort of schedule or checklist of things to do each day so that they house and clothes stay clean. I do nothing but dishes and cooking on the weekend.
Now that I'm doing a little each day (instead of waiting for things to get out of hand) I only spend an hour on cleaning! I'm so excited! The house will be clean for the baby! And I won't have to worry about visitors. I wanted to get this under control early so that I'll be able to cook an extra meal a day and freeze it for after baby comes.
And I've been able to sleep recently because it's been raining alot the past few days so the neighbors are going to other people's houses. Yay!
Wed Oct 08, 2003
My gentle baby, 5 Months (23 weeks and 2 days)
My last post (Sept. 24) says almost 21 weeks. I made a mistake. I was 21 weeks and a day or so. Just a little note.
So far, I now weigh 113 pounds. I have gained about 9 pounds now. I have been sleeping a bit more, but I have been waking up more easily during the night (to use the toilet) and having a harder time falling back asleep. So, I'm probably not sleeping more but I'm in bed a bit more.
The baby is very active, but gentle about it. With dd I felt as though she was going to break right through me, her kicks and movements were really aggressive. I love my sweet, sensitive wild girl! But I look forward to our gentle baby.
So far, I have been having the energy to keep up with her and with the home. I felt really exhausted when I was first pregnant, but I have been getting more and more energy as the pregnancy progresses. It's wonderful! I'm grateful for this blessing from God.
I have been noticing that I feel lonely more easily and need more hugs and cuddles from dh, to reassure me perhaps? I felt this way at about this time with my last pregnancy too, and dh is very sensitive to me about it. He's a wonderful husband. He's enjoying the extra cuddles, hugs and kisses. Even dd has been giving me extra hugs and kisses too! She's so sweet!
Also, I wanted to mention that I am so very grateful for a husband who works hard. I know I can depend on him and he is very reliable as a working husband. I do not worry about him getting laid off or fired very easily (unless they are making cut-backs or something unforseen like that). I know I can depend on his support to be a stay-at-home mom and wife.
We decided to do an ultrsound (just one) becuase we have had some concerns. During my first 2 1/2 to 3 months of pregnancy we experienced some difficulties financially that were unforseen and weren't able to eat enough or as well as we would have liked. After a while we ran out of multi-vitamins. We prayed for the Lord to bless us with all of the nutrients we needed until we could afford to buy proper meals again. I had some concerns about this and so we decided to have an ultrasound. God's blessings are good! The baby has no prenatal defects and is very strong and healthy! Also, my placenta is very healthy too! everything showed that all is normal and well. We don't know the sex (which is perfectly fine because that is not the reason for the ultrasound).
I'm grateful for the blessings of God, for answering our prayers and watching over our little, growing family. God also blessed dh with a good job with a good company doing what he loves (working on computers, programming), he also works a lot of overtime (which we need) and there is alot of room for opportunity. Praise the Lord for these blessings.
On another note, those noisy neighbors are being forced to leave by the end of this month! Yay! Next summer we'll be able to play out back without worrying about those worldly people wearing skimpy bikinis and the little boy in only underwear and everyone swearing and drinking. I'll be able to sleep every weekend, and I will be able to open the window without worrying about my home being filled with their vulgar language and innapropraite talking. Also, our home will no longer be intruded by their loud, horrible music in the afternoons and evenings. This is another blessing for us.
Fri Oct 10, 2003
Blood Type
We tested dh blood type and he is o negative! Yay! I am also o negative, and of course so is dd.
With my first pregnancy we didn't know dh blood type and the midwives were not willing to test his (they said they only take care of the preg. woman), so since dh father is o negative and his mother is AB positive their was a chance he'd be positive. They gave me a rhogam shot, which I really didn't want because I could just feel that the baby would also be negative, I just knew. But that isn't very legally binding.
It's great that we could test his blood and know that there is no risk of rh sensitization or anything like that. I'm so happy that we are both negative, hey and we're both the exact same blood type, our whole family will be too! That keeps things pretty simple, doesn't it? Lol!
As an update, I have been having a hard time bending over now, it just started yesterday. Suddenly, I just can't bend over easily now, the baby is just too big now (not that he would be all that big at this point, but big enough to restrict my bending). So, I can't just bend over and pick soemthing from off the floor, I have to actually keep my back pretty straight and bend just at the knees until I can reach, I guess that's the way we should be 'bending'.
Thanks for checking my journal.
~God Bless.
Sat Oct 18, 2003
Mixed feelings, ...and oh how my back hurts now!
I've been noticing mixed feelings the last couple of days about the pregnancy and labour. It just sort of creeped up and seemed all of a sudden. I feel a little nauseous when eating only becuase I have these mixed feelings.
The last birth didn't go as I had hoped (although it was at home atleast) and dd had terrible "colic" the first while, dh found the change a little more than he expected as he wasn't very involved after a couple days of her birth and I felt so alone and helpless (this wasn't ppd, but a true feeling of being alone and feeling like dd didn't love me because she calmed down in other people's arms but I was not able to calm her down when she became colicky) and it was difficult to enjoy her.
Dh would spend all of his free time playing computer games, instead of spending time with me and dd. He wouldn't prepare or cook anything for me or himself or do any house cleaning, he expected me to do everything and he was more demanding in wanting me to take care of him. He would even leave for work early so that he could be alone.
We had a paper route to make ends meet. We delivered twice a week, taking about 4 1/2 hours alone or 3 hours together and it brought in an extra $800 a month. He refused to do the paper route, he expected me to do it, so when dd was a week old I would go and do the paper route (it took me 5 hours alone at this point) in 2 separate slots of time while dd was napping. She didn't sleep much for a newborn, and this was supposed to be my time to rest too as I was up all night with her.
Dh would also feel left out and upset whenever I did anything to cater to her, such as taking long walks with dd when she was colicky to help relieve her crying. I cried alot and dh thought that that is was new moms do, Lol!
Dh was there perfectly for me during dd labour and delivery and the night dd was born, and he was so excited!. But after that it was a mystery to me. Dh had told me while I was pregnant that he would take care of me 100% after baby was born until I was able to have sufficiently rested, he said he expected it to take at least a week or two. That didn't happen, and I was severly disappointed and desperately needed him.
Luckily breastfeedign was a breeze. Almost two months later he threw out most of his computer games and started holding dd, but he still seemed jealous.
When dd was 10 months, mother's day came and he didn't make me a card or even say happy mother's day to me. He told me we should go visit his mother instead. That was the straw that broke the camels back for me, I became so depressed and dh realized what he was doing was not right and that he had been selfish. He started to really be a good dh and dad and spent time with us.
I guess that although dh is alot more mature and responsible now and is the best dh I could ever ask for, I still have this hidden fear that I will be left alone during labour and when baby is born and what if dd feels abandoned even if I will never abandon her? This just seemed to come in suddenly from time to time, and seems to be more subconscious for me, ever since it kicked in that labour would begin in less than 4 months and I will get to love and raise a new child from God. It just sort of kicked in that I will not always be pregnant.
Dh has later explained his feelings. He didn't realize that we would have to stop having marital relations when baby was born, well he thought it would only be a week. We had been intimate up to the hour of labour starting and then suddenly we can't be completely intimate. This lasted for a month. He felt all alone around us as if he weren't needed. Dd took over my breasts (I think this was hardest for him) and all of my time. He felt that we were fine alone and that he just wasn't needed adn that his prescence was the problem. He felt he was a failure as a husband and father.
Dh is no longer like this and all is well in our relationship, and he loves dd more than anything. This is where my mixed feelings are stemming from though. I suppose I need to overcome these feelings asap, I need to figure out how. I have to turn my fears into feelings of hope and faith, and remember to let dh know as much as possible how much I appreciate him.
Mon Oct 20, 2003
Mixed Feelings Follow-Up
This journal is great! Writing things down and really thinking about it helps put things in perspective.
My mixed feelings seemed to have all "cleared up" after writing that entry about it. I no longer have these mixed feelings and somehow my faith has strenghtened. I realized that I still haven't completely forgiven dh and after typing was able to do so immediately and understand how he felt and have compassion on him. I guess it was something I needed to express but never did, so I held in inside and it feels good to have gotten it out without hurting dh at all.
I really cannot ask for a better husband, he is truly perfect for me, I really believe that. I also realized that I had also been selfish by not realizing dh needs at the time and thinking only of my own and the new baby's (dd).
I could have helped him feel secure and included and needed and loved, but at the time I seemed to have forgotten his feelings and needs. I'm glad that we are able to talk and learn from our mistakes. Our love seems to grow more and more with time, I could not have imagined to be able to love another as much as I love my husband (and receive as much love from him) before we were married.
I did not imagine how great the joy we experience in marriage and in family life and with my children. Of course It isn't always perfect and we are not perfect, but it is still wonderful and well worth the efforts.
NEXT page
Copyright © 2002 Christian UC All rights reserved.
