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Mindy's Journal
Expecting October 2005
Wed Feb 07, 2007
Pregnant? How did THAT happen?
My name is Mindy. I am 25 (next month). I am a mother to 3 children. My son Joshua is 5. My daughter Cassie is 3, and my youngest daughter, Korban, is 15 months.
I thought my family was complete for now. I wanted another, sure. I had decided on having my next one way later though. God seemed to have other plans though.
When our best friends and temporary roomates told us they were trying to concieve their second we wished them the best. The thought of a new baby always sent me straight into baby fever mode. This time however, I managed to avoid it. I was finally doing something for me. I had been overweight since my first pregnancy and was tired of the way I felt about myself. I had lost 45 lbs already and wanted to keep going. Having another baby was the farthest thing from my mind. The hubby and I were even taking precautions to avoid it at this time.
I had been charting my cycles to avoid pregnancy but hadn't been very diligent about it. My periods had yet to regulate since my last birth. I used to have anywhere from 28-33 day cycles. Since Korban weaned and my cycles started back, I hadn't had one over 28 days though. All of the pregnancy tests in the house because of my friend Melissa made me wonder though as I noticed I was on day 33 with no sign of a period in sight. I didn't feel pregnant. Wouldn't I know?
I laughed it off and thought, "no way". Still though, in the back of my mind, I knew there was a chance. That night, being at the dollar store anyway, I picked up a test. After getting home and realizing how silly I was being for even thinking I could be pregnant when only being on day 33, I considered not taking it and giving the test to Melissa who had taken all of hers already out of impatience even though she wasn't even late yet.
I decided to take it anyway though. I didn't really give it much thought. Taking a pregnancy test was familiar territory to me. Usually though, I waited anxiously with a pounding heart and a prayer on my lips for God to bless me once again. This time, all I could say to God is, "I really don't even know what to pray for."
I sat the test on the back of the toilet as I got up. I didn't actually expect anything to come of this. I picked it up curiously though and watched as the purple moisture swept over the paper area. The control line popped up right away, next the moisture crept across the area where the test line was. Nothing. It was still very wet though and it was hard to see if there was a purple line when the whole area was purple from moisture.
As the area slowly began to lighten being exposed to the air, I thought I saw a tiny evaporation line. It did appear grayish or maybe even indented. What was I seeing? Maybe I am just imagining it and there isn't even an evap line. Perhaps I looking too hard I thought.
The line became more and more visible and more and more purple as the paper around it dried. No, it can't be. Can it? I laughed out loud. Impossible. Isn't it?
I hurried out of the bathroom to get Melissa's opinion. She looked a bit confused as I led her into the bathroom with a pregnancy test by the sink. I hadn't let anyone know I even suspected. I think it was because I really didn't even suspect it myself. I was in complete denial.
"What does that look like to you?" I asked nervously. "It looks positive." She said as she looked at me with widened eyes. I started shaking and laughing. I couldn't believe it.
She would wait 2 more days when she was officially "late" to test.
I demanded that she be pregnant as well (joking) so we can go through this together. As surprised as I was to learn of my pregnancy, the thought going through the ups and downs of it with a friend was rather exciting.
Two days later, at 2 am, her husband comes into my bedroom, wakes me and tells me Melissa is pregnant. I was so elated. She had wanted to have another so badly. I couldn't begin to fathom her excitement.
I ran into her room to inspect her tests for myself. She was all smiles but I was the giddy one. I seemed to be more excited than she was. I believe it was because she was still in disbelief and I was just so relieved to have a partner in this.
She got conflicting information over the next few days. Some tests gave her a negative, some a fait positive. I assured her it was because it was so early. I told her she may have just ovulated later than she thought.
****
Two weeks later, Melissa started spotting. She and I both immediately educated outselves on the instances of spotting while pregnant and what it could mean. I read mostly good things.
Two days after that, the light brown spotting turned bright red. She thought it, and I thought it. Neither of us dared say miscarriage though. To speak it might make it real.
She had really been quite active that day though and after coming home and getting off of her feet the bleeding stopped. That was a good sign right?
A few days later, during another busy day of running errands and visiting, she started bleeding again. She went to the ER for an ultrasound where they found nothing in her uterus. They told her she was probably not as far along as she thought. They did an HCG level and told her to come back for a repeat in 48 hours. If her levels doubled, that was a good sign of a growing pregnancy. Also, by then they might be able to see something on ultrasound.
She went in, and still nothing on ultrasound but numbers had doubled. We were so relieved. I was in hard core prayer mode up until that point.
The next day though, something odd happened. I found Melissa lying in my sons bed in pain. I wasn't sure wether to be worried or not because I had been having gas pain that was so severe it doubled me over and I couldn't stand. I asked her about spotting and she said she hadn't had any.
After managing to get out of bed when the pain subsided, she went to the bathroom. I knew something was wrong immediately when she came out. She was upset and crying. She informed me that she was indeed bleeding and that it was so heavy that it was just dripping intot the toilet as she sat there. She called the Dr who told her just to keep her original appointment that she was scheduled for in 4 hours. I was suprised they didn't want her to come in or go to the ER.
She told her husband what happened when he came home. She seemed to not understand the serious nature of her condition as he asked if they could go by the storage unit after the Dr's appointment and ultrasound.
**John (her husband) came in around 8 pm and asked if I could put their son to bed. He explained that they were sending Melissa to the other hospital for a shot of a drug that would make her miscarry. Upon another blank ultrasound where her HCG levels were in the 2,000s, where they should have been able to see a baby by now, they diagnosed her with an ectopic pregnany. We were devastated. I prayed all night for God to give her strength and comfort. He surely answered my prayers. The next day, she was very strong and said it was a relief to know they caught it early and she didn't have to have surgery and compromise her fertility any further. She announced they would try again in the recommended 3 months when the medication was out of her system. John, her husband has reservations about trying again though. He is afraid to go through this again.
When I think of it, it can seem a bit unfair. They were the ones trying and praying and hoping for a miracle. I am the one who got it. God has his reasons and I wont even begin to question them. I trust him fully.
I have actually gotten quite excited about my pregnancy. I have been more sick and tired with this pregnancy than my others. I even had a crazy twin dream. Wouldn't that be something? I would definately welcome a double blessing. Strange, when just a 2 months ago, I couldn't imagine having another. Now, I secretly hope for two.
I worried a lot at first about being pregnant still while my friend is not. What will happen when I have my baby? When she looks at my child will she only see the child she was supposed to have? Now though, I believe she will be good and pregnant herself and will be ready to recieve quite a blessing of her own.
I am still eating really healthy and though I haven't been able to exercise much because of the morning sickness, I will try. I am determined not to gain that 45 lbs back, haha.
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