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Nicole's 2nd Unassisted Pregnancy Journal
Expecting February 2006
Tue Feb 14, 2006
healthy stubborn mama, healthy stubborn baby
I am 4 days past my edd. When people ask when I am due I just tell them I was DUE a few days ago, I am not expecting for a while yet. I am still not effaced or dilated at all. My cervix is high and posterior. I have maybe one BH a day that I notice. Things are moving slower than molasses. This baby is good and healthy and active. BOY does it feel big from the outside, I am glad that the idea of a 10+ baby doesn't scare me so much. I get a little cranky here and there. But with my husband working 83 hours a week, between regular job, volunteer, and commute, I guess it is understandable to feel overwhelmed a tad :) Thank the L-rd my body serves me well in all I have to do, He is faithful to equipt me for whatever he calls me to do.
Father I am asking for just a little more grace, and little more endurance, and a little more stregnth to do what ever you are calling me to do. Help me to be grateful for the extra cooking time for this baby, and help me to know that this is all in your hands, you are the one doing the knitting and only you will know when you are done.
Tue Jan 31, 2006
Am I this strong???
I know good and well the Lord does not give us more than we can handle. I know that what he does give us is never meant to break us, but to strengthen and refine us.
Due in a little over a week.
I am not having the blissful, and peaceful week before the due date most women long for. I have total upheaval. I need to find homes for 27 chickens and 2 goats, and I have to do it 5 days or fight it out in the courts. I have a few very devestated children, and they are all out of sorts. The two youngest cry and fuss at the drop of a hat lately. I have so much on my plate. I do not feel strong enough for this, I must be since I am in the middle of it.
Baby is doing well, moves mostly at night when my body is settled, but still moving lots then.
We will see how all this chaos affects my body for birth...
Life is always full of suprises :)
Nicole
Tue Jan 24, 2006
Blissfully boring
It has been a while since I have updated. There really has been very little to update. I have been comfortable thus far. The Lord has given me strength to keep active, and he has kept me comfortable and pretty complaint free.
I have had a new one. Insomnia! I have never had such a tough time sleeping in my life. I did get a lot of cleaning done last night before bed since i just couldn't realy sleep. David stayed downsatairs to sleep, so that I could rest as well as possible. My belly stayed tight all night, so sleeping was hit and miss. I hesitate to call them contractions, but I was noticing a pattern. and it was very difficult to sleep.
So I guess things are warming up here, just when I figured my body had forgotten what to do :)
Nic
Fri Dec 23, 2005
33 weeks
I will admit this. I cannot tell one bump from another. Never have been good at it, and I am clueless now. well not entirely clueless the hiccups seem down the kicks seem more up. I feel this baby making commotion deep in my pelvis. I feel little tingles and not so little shocks down in my womanly parts. I just cannot believe how full my belly feels with baby. I really cannot feel a space with just fluid, it is just so firm every where I poke and prod. I only have 6 weeks left, this is just astounding to me. I feel more stretched than I have ever felt before.
I know this with my brain, I just don't think my heart has caught up yet. Only 7 weeks left.
Don't know if it has caught up to my body either. I have not had one Braxton hicks contraction that I can remember. It is not entirely unusual to me. It just seems strange to get so far along and have my body be so laid back. But then my brain and my heart seem to be on the same level. I have been very relaxed about it all as well. I actually bought a few onsies the other day, but I really have nothing else prepared.
I am glad I am not the type to think and overanalyze all day. I could have a field day about my hesitance to prepare and my relaxation about it all.
Tue Dec 06, 2005
Looking out for Falling houses lol
I am so stressed out right now. I feel like I should be wearing a pair of B&W striped pantyhose a pair of ruby slippers and I should be on the look out for falling houses. I am in this bad cycle with the kids of being frustrated with the children, threatening discipline with no follow through, and being a horrible mommy in general. The more frustrated I get, the worse the children behave. My stomach is just in knots all the time. I will not blame it on hormones, I know there is a lot going on in my life right now. I am in desperate need of time with my heavenly Father...so I can be a better mother.
Father Help me in this time of dissapointment and frustration. Persue me, because I do not know how to find you in all of this. Hold me close and help me to do the same with my children. Comfort me, and remind me of your love, and help me to love my children.
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This was my entry from my last pregnancy, at around this time.....I am seeing a pattern here.
I wrote my husband yesterday on IM. I cussed, I railed, told him I had turned our children into monsters just like me. I honestly was so frustrated, I was cussing and screaming, and crying.
I was/and still am a little frustrated and human. I have my up days and my down days. I am under a lot, I am always under a lot. I have never enjoyed life as a wife with a husband who is Mr.Steady. I have never been able to rely on his time, or our finances to be real steady either.
Although after 10 years the finances are getting better....his time here is getting less and less (and that is a little stressful in itself, as we keep ading children to the quiver) These are things that I normally roll with just fine, but pregnancy seems to make it all a little tougher to deal with.
I asked you once, and I am asking again Abba. I need your peace to fill me, not because I deserve it, not because you owe it to me, but because without it I am incomplete and a terrible mess. I ask and am thankful that you are merciful and compassionate, and you will give to those who simply ask. I ask you to seek me out, and find me. Because I honestly feel too weak to search you out. The day to day lately has found me so lost, and so deep in muck and mire of my own making that I cannot get out and come to you on my own. I am thankful that you hear me, and will come to my aide once again, not because of anything I have done, but because you are faithful, and you will remember the covenant you have made with our family.
Sun Nov 27, 2005
What goes in..must come out :)
It has taken an awfully long time, but I am finally bonding with my baby. I honestly wasn't as excited as most women I know are at the prospect of another little person to care for. I have a full life right now, I have many responsibilities, in the house and with the children/gardens/and animals. That doesn't look like it will change. My husband is full time in a line of work where 40 hours is really only part time, he also has a buisness of his own to run, volunteer work, and full time schooling. How am I going to slow down and still oversee the running of the house to care for a newborn???
I know...we make plans and the Lord laughs... I was not ready for another baby. I was very content with my 5 children that already keep me hopping. I wanted a large market garden next year, and a few goats, I wanted to get started on the buisness I have felt led to for years.
I know the market garden and the goats are still possible, but it won't be easy. I only had one period after LAM with Hannah so there really was no getting used to the idea of getting pregnant right away. I feel led to excell in the keeping of my home. I feel led to can my own foods grow my own meat, do things like make my own soap. I feel these desires are of the Lord, and yet he is also calling me to have another baby. I just feel like I am getting the hang of things, starting to get it all in order, starting to excell even and He moves the bar up for me.
He asks even more of me.
So there it is, for the world to read. A quiverfull minded mama wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of adding another arrow just yet. I am thankful the Lord has given me 9 months to adjust to this.
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As David and I watched a movie the other night, I looked down at my full belly to see the alien with in roll and turn with much enthusiasm. It is a funny time to realize it, but this critter is going to make it's way out in about 10 weeks. I will labor, and work to get this baby out. Nathan's birth wasn't so bad, it was intense but not altogether terrible. I kept hot water on my back and was able to cope. With Hannah, and her broken water/head directly on my cervix, it was more than I thought I could take at the time. I felt an intensity that I never had before, I was not able to sugar coat it for the kids like I did at Nathan's birth. I did alright for the first 4 hours. I had warm water. The last 45 minutes were agonizing. I felt trapped with the intense contractions coming one after the other. While I do not feel fear, and I know the intensity is only for a short time before I am holding my baby, when I am honest with myself, I am not so much looking forward to doing that again.
As this baby thumps and thumps away, I am looking forward to welcoming it into my life, no matter what the process is to get em here.
Sun Oct 23, 2005
24 week entry
pregnancy at 30.....different than it was at 20 :)
The physical update I am huge :) The baby didn't really start kicking for about 22 weeks. Now at about 24 the kicks are still light and gentle, but failrly regular. Hannah still will try to nurs on occasion, but with nothing in there she doesn't try to hard.
My spiritual pregnancy update.
Once I was a spry 20 year old, it was my first ever pregnancy. My mom told me that I was a natural, that I looked like I had done it a few times already, you could say I was just made for pregnancy. Now fast forward 10 years, I am now 30, with 5 other children to care for on this halfway homestead. In the spring I had gardens to set up, and chickens to start out, I also kept busy with the biblical holidays, and stayed involved with congregational life. In the summer in between bouts of morning sickness, and extreme fatigue, I kept the garden and the chickens alive, and cared for. As fall approached there was canning and preserving to do, in addition to roosters to slaughter, and coops to build to protect the hens for the winter ahead. There is always much housework to do, and congregational life keeps me very busy, as I serve the body with my giftings of hospitality. I say this to say that life at 20 was pretty much, me, me, me. I was an awful housekeeper, so that didn't take much of my time. If I wanted to sleep, I slept, if I wanted to lay around and watch TV I did so. I had no one to take care of, but me for the most part. I had a young body, more than able to handle the bodily changes pregnancy brings. But it is not as if there was any real strain to my life.
Now I have a much busier life, I also have 5 children that need me to be functioning and nurturing, and their needs do not wait until I am fully recovered from a full back breaking day of canning or cleaning. I balance a whole house hold of needs along with pregnancy, and my body is not the 20 year old body I once had. I get tired, my bach aches, I feel like my feet will just fall off from being on them so often. Down time and self nuturing are as foreign to me as swahili is.
But what I am lacking in youth and vim and vigor, the Lord has given me in conviction, and determination to balance these things. He has given me an ability to deny the aches a prominant place in my life. YES they are there, yes they can be a distraction. No I will not allow them to rule my every day. They are not the center of my life and my pregnancy, God is. He has not called me to motherhood, to allow it to cripple me. He knows he knitted this baby into the womb of a busy mom, who is tired, and not as young as she once was. It is by faith that I get up each day, and keep myself busy. It is by faith that the Lord will keep this baby in my womb safe and sound, as I do all I need to do to be the woman of excellence that he is training me to be. I am not there, but if I allow myself the luxury of sitting around at every ache and pain, I will never get there either.
All said, even though it is getting tougher with the years, I am learning and being stretched in my faith and my resolve with each pregnancy. I am making up for in my spirit what I am lacking in youth. It is tougher in body, but in my weakness the Lord is made strong.
Mon Sep 05, 2005
Life goes on...
Even when the tired pregnant body doesn't want to.
I always have to chuckle when the pioneer days or homesteading is refered to as "romantic".
Sure there are aspects of this lifestyle that will always be remebered as soft, and frilly, and romantic. I love bringing fresh flowers in from the garden, and setting a table for high tea with the kids. I love opening a jar of spiced plums for a fancy dessert, and having the satisfaction of knowing those plums are the culimination of the gifts the Lord gives me through my own hands.
I love feeding the babies fresh pureed veggies from the garden. Some days will be cherished, and held up as romantic days for the rest of my life.
Most days however are less then sweet, some days (like today) I sit down in front of the computer, with my achy back, my tired hips, my round belly covered in chicken feathers, my sore hands were only minutes ago dresing fresh chicken for the fridge. When I pull out chicken from the freezer, that I kept from day old, ntured and grew, and eventually butchered and cleaned, I will not feel the same wistful, wonderful feelings that I feel over the warmed spiced plums. I will have the satisfaction of knowing the Lord gave me the ability to do such things, when I open a jar of green beans I processed myself, but warm fuzzies will not be the feeling setting the tone for dinner from just that jar of beans.
I am a tired mama. Since Friday, (with Sat being my rest day)I have canned 30 pints of pickles, 2 pints spiced syrup, 4 quarts of spiced plums, 6 pints of peach jelly. I have cleaned, prepared and frozen, 4 pounds of green beans, 10 lbs tomatoes, and about 30 ears of corn, and a quart and a half of beets. I made a baby shower cake for 100, and organized the feeding of them all at church on Sat. Today I sent 11 roosters to the freezer. I still need to process Jalepeno jelly, can 9 lbs of pears, and clean up A LOT of feathers. This will not be a romantic day in my history :) I am tired. I am cranky, and I am only one woman, with 5 children, a husband who works-commutes 50-60 hour weeks in addition to being a full time student, and a house that is showing some serious neglect. This is not glamourous, but I thank My heavenly father just the same, and who am I to complain about the calling he has given me to be more self-sufficient?
Proverbs 31 says he has given me arms that are strong for my task, through the years my husband has learned to trust me with his heart, that I am persuing the most I can with the resources he has given me, even when he isn't entirely satisfied with the state of his home.
How can I complain to God that I am alone alot of the time, and that my workload has been to heavy, He has given me no more than he has and will equipt me to handle. He has forced me to become more woman than I could ever dream of being if I had an easier life. I have to make a choice daily, to keep on keeping on. Kepp on trusting that although my days seem daunting, that He that is in me is greater than any challenge the days may offer.
There are many unglamourous things about pregnancy. There are many days I am overwhelmed, my house could look better, I could have a better handle on the childrens behaivior. I will always hold the days they are born, the sweet first smiles, and the days lounging in the sun dappled yard under the shade of the trees tenderly nursing a wee baby as the romantic days. But most pregnant days are less then romantic. I feel too bloated or too tired. I long for the days of seeing my toes, and eating a meal with out heartburn following on it's heels. So in the same way I trust him to be with me and grow me and mature me in my less than ideal days here on my halfway homestead, I will also trust he is doing a good work in me, and I waddle through the next 5-6 months. I will refrain from my right to complain and gripe. I will take the discomforts and aches as a sign of his blessings to me. He gave me another life, knowing how busy I am. His heart trusts me to be a good and cheerful steward of this precious life.
Every day will not be wistful, and romantic, but every day will be atreasure just the same!
Thu Aug 18, 2005
No whining here :)
around 15 weeks I guess....
I am over the morning sickness. It was extremely intense this time for some reason. I guess it could have been many things. I did not have A/C and with a few 90-100 degree days in a row it made for a tough time. I am a little more tired than usual, but I think a little iron and getting back to my herbs will help that right along.
What did I learn this time around? I learned a halfway homestead full of undertrained children and a morning sick mama is not going to work. The garden does look fine, and the chickens all survived, but the house suffered greatly in the months I was down and out. I got angry and frustrated often because things were just not falling into place, but in the end there was only me to blame. I know my calling to leave my fertility in the Lord's hands, and I know that I will have times like these. I must use the time ahead of me wisely to train the children to be more responsible, and to make better use of their time. Jessie is capable of cooking meals, and in the next months we will work more on this. With the Lord's wisdom we will get this right.
Spiritually it had been difficult. Our Rabbi mentioned that when we are sick in body, it becomes so easy to become discouraged in spirit. I was there and didn't realize it. I was feeling lost and abandoned. With the renewing of my body and general health I am seeing that I was too hard on myself. Times such as these will happen, and I need to just pick myself up and keep going in my persuit of the Lord. He was always there, even if I was too sick to see outside of my own queasiness.
I am looking forward to the rest of my pregnancy, I have always been blessed with wonderful ones, and if there have been things to be unhappy with the Lord has never allowed me to see them :) I generally welcome the fullness, and have always remained very active through my pregnancies. I just seemed to have been built for pregnancy on a homestead :)
Sun Jun 19, 2005
Nicole
The part where I introduce myself
There is not much to introduce. I am Nicole. I am blessed with a good ornery husband to keep me on my toes, and 5 incredible children to keep me and their daddy supplied wih busy productive days just keeping up with them.
I am a simple person really. I find incredible joy in being a wife and a mother. Keeping a home that runs with simplicity, and frugalness is my passion. UC is just an extention of my homesteading heart.
I had my first UC over 4 years ago. Since then I have had one M/C and went on to have another wonderful UC 18 months ago. Birth for us is just a part of everyday life. I joke that around here we just have days where we get up, have our cherios, have a baby and then get on to the chores that need to be done. I just don't find anything complicated in it all.
If you are looking to read a journal full of statistics and check up information you may want to pass this one up, since I rarely bother with those things. I will however journal my pregnancy as a part of my life, no different than getting up and watering the garden or gathering chicken eggs. I will make mention of the wonderful insights the Lord wispers so sweetly into my ear as He knits life in my womb.
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